The odds have proven that you have to do more than write well to make it in the screenwriting business. Dustin Lance Black was a gay activist even before writing "MILK". Shane Black was an actor before even being considered as a writer. Diablo Cody was a stripper who published a blog about it, among other smart moves she made. Yes, most screenwriters in the past few years have had to invent ways to stand out, or at least use what they had to get their big break.
I don't suggest jumping off a building, we discussed that before. But, you have to brand yourself, maybe not through one simple act, but you have to create an enticing brand that will make people, especially prodcos, take notice.
Draw on your past -- what are you known for? What is your true profession? Do you excel at some odd interest, worthy of noting? Fact is, it's going to be easier to put a brand together based on existing qualities. If you are a bowler with a consistent 200-plus average, you need to include bowling in a script, that's catchy. Teacher? Then that should be in some aspect of your best script as well.
Don't just put the script in a drawer and send queries -- it's not enough, I'm sorry to say. Work on your brand and make it unique, make us take notice.
My brand? I'm an unemployed art instructor who was forced into a career change in a recession, just like the main character in my best script. I write about "real life", in specific, the recession and economy, because I live it, like so many. I coined the genre "e-comedy", meaning a comedy in which the poor economy takes a defining role. "Up in the Air", a recent release about a hatchet-man downsizing companies, could be defined as an "e-comedy".
I am a political columnist for a local paper. I started this career with a blog and a challenge to complete a screenplay in ninety days, having no knowledge of the craft (I completed two in the time frame). All of my training has been through online resources, I spent twelve hours a day, every day during those ninety days learning online and writing my scripts.
I am in the process of building and unleashing a campaign behind my script that has never been attempted. If it fails or not isn't the question, the point is that I'm doing it and that it's never been done.
Brand yourself, writers, work with what you have, set a goal for something new, and go for it!
FADE OUT
Showing posts with label Image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Image. Show all posts
Friday, December 11, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
SORE LOSER
INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING
Brian pokes on the keys of his aged Dell laptop as two mockingbirds dogfight outside the screen. Swooping by, the birds battle in a controlled state of chaos.
BRIAN (V.O.)
Give peace a chance, birds!
(beat)
If you missed the MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS (VMA's), live from New York last night, perennial sore loser and Joe Wilson-esque KANYE WEST interrupted TAYLOR SWIFT, as she gave her acceptance speech, by grabbing the mic and informing us that Beyonce' had a great, implying "better", video.
How sad. Check out more of Kanye's loser history at DICKIPEDIA, amazing site.
That, according to news sources, was followed up by several celebrities, such as Katy Perry and Pink, "tweeting" live from the show with negative comments directed towards West.
How cool!
In other "poor sports" news, SERENA WILLIAMS was fined $500. for intentionally smashing her racquet to pieces in the early rounds of a U.S. open match against Kim Clijsters. The game was ended when Williams threatened a female asian line judge who cost her a point with a foot fault call. Williams walked to the judge, voicing her opinion, and stated "I will kill you" or "I will take this (f-ing) ball and shove it down your (f-ing) throat", whichever version you believe. For this she was punished with another point, ending the game, costing her the match, and was subsequentally fined $10,000. She released a statement but has never apologized.
Sore losers, nobody likes 'em, except other losers.
What was it with certain people this week? Is it the "end of summer" factor, where everyone swears they don't care how cold it gets, they just can't stand anymore heat (only to complain of freezing by November)?
Is it the economy, with everyone stressed that they might lose their job tomorrow, or not find one if they've already taken the loss?
Maybe it's the healthcare debate, T.E.A. parties, and the fact that "Cash for Clunkers" is no longer doling out free funds to the entitled auto industry?
Nope.
This was just another week where sore losers stole someone else's thunder, dulled their shine, or as I heard Ne-Ne from "REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA" say last night, "gave her some shade", meaning shading someone out of their limelight.
Losing sucks alright, but it's no reason to take the winners down with you. Everyone will be a loser at one time or another, face it, we're born to lose, it's how we learn lessons.
I can't help but to think of that 1990's phenomenon of child sports: the double winner, where both the winning and losing participants were awarded trophies. One of my relatives was enraged that her son, on a losing soccer team, was awarded a trophy. Losing builds character, it should make someone even more competitive and determined, if not that, then it at least should give them the idea that maybe they should quit, maybe they're just not cut out for the task.
One might wonder what the subject of losing has to do with a blog about a screenwriter. Everything. This profession is full of losers, literally, it's part of the game and you should know that when you enter the ring. You're going to lose almost any competition you enter, if you do, by chance, get produced, you'll lose a lot of battles with executives and actors who take free reign to change your script. You'll lose your mind over insane requests on rewrites and the like. To be good at screenwriting you have to be an exceptionally good loser.
The astounding thing is that most screenwriters, or the ones attempting to be, suck at losing, really bad, pathetically. Several of them have blogs that seem to be designed around losing, most of their posts laced with "Debbie Downer-isms" about not getting a read, return call, competition win, or how much they hate DIABLO CODY for making this job look easy.
The amount of losers that these down-trodden scribes attract is amazing, misery seems to love company.
EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY
A steaming locomotive puffs up to the station, lines HISS as the mass of pot metal grinds to a hault. A crowd of crabby scribes jockey for position, near a passenger car door, as it swings open with a SCREECH.
CONDUCTOR
(gleeful)
Next stop" the Land of Sore Losers!!
CUT TO:
INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING
Brian shakes his head, thinking about the pathetic, sore losers.
BRIAN (V.O.)
Losing is an art form that we should all strive to be good at. Anyone can be a gracious winner, that's what winning is about: looking good, making it look easy, being the pro. But losing, that draws the line between amateurs and professionals, the decent and indecent, the good spirited or sore loser. When you watch someone lose their real character is revealed.
That's the difference in this blog, it's loser rehab. So if you find yourself swimming with sharks and you need some inspirational motivation to get off of that cloud, come here, and post something, but don't be such a loser, or at least a sore one.
CUT TO:
EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY
A sleek, modern german ICE train glides into the station, electronic doors whirring open in sync.
CONDUCTOR
(gleeful)
Next stop, The Winners.. ALL ABOARD!!
FADE OUT
Brian pokes on the keys of his aged Dell laptop as two mockingbirds dogfight outside the screen. Swooping by, the birds battle in a controlled state of chaos.
BRIAN (V.O.)
Give peace a chance, birds!
(beat)
If you missed the MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS (VMA's), live from New York last night, perennial sore loser and Joe Wilson-esque KANYE WEST interrupted TAYLOR SWIFT, as she gave her acceptance speech, by grabbing the mic and informing us that Beyonce' had a great, implying "better", video.
How sad. Check out more of Kanye's loser history at DICKIPEDIA, amazing site.
That, according to news sources, was followed up by several celebrities, such as Katy Perry and Pink, "tweeting" live from the show with negative comments directed towards West.
How cool!
In other "poor sports" news, SERENA WILLIAMS was fined $500. for intentionally smashing her racquet to pieces in the early rounds of a U.S. open match against Kim Clijsters. The game was ended when Williams threatened a female asian line judge who cost her a point with a foot fault call. Williams walked to the judge, voicing her opinion, and stated "I will kill you" or "I will take this (f-ing) ball and shove it down your (f-ing) throat", whichever version you believe. For this she was punished with another point, ending the game, costing her the match, and was subsequentally fined $10,000. She released a statement but has never apologized.
Sore losers, nobody likes 'em, except other losers.
What was it with certain people this week? Is it the "end of summer" factor, where everyone swears they don't care how cold it gets, they just can't stand anymore heat (only to complain of freezing by November)?
Is it the economy, with everyone stressed that they might lose their job tomorrow, or not find one if they've already taken the loss?
Maybe it's the healthcare debate, T.E.A. parties, and the fact that "Cash for Clunkers" is no longer doling out free funds to the entitled auto industry?
Nope.
This was just another week where sore losers stole someone else's thunder, dulled their shine, or as I heard Ne-Ne from "REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA" say last night, "gave her some shade", meaning shading someone out of their limelight.
Losing sucks alright, but it's no reason to take the winners down with you. Everyone will be a loser at one time or another, face it, we're born to lose, it's how we learn lessons.
I can't help but to think of that 1990's phenomenon of child sports: the double winner, where both the winning and losing participants were awarded trophies. One of my relatives was enraged that her son, on a losing soccer team, was awarded a trophy. Losing builds character, it should make someone even more competitive and determined, if not that, then it at least should give them the idea that maybe they should quit, maybe they're just not cut out for the task.
One might wonder what the subject of losing has to do with a blog about a screenwriter. Everything. This profession is full of losers, literally, it's part of the game and you should know that when you enter the ring. You're going to lose almost any competition you enter, if you do, by chance, get produced, you'll lose a lot of battles with executives and actors who take free reign to change your script. You'll lose your mind over insane requests on rewrites and the like. To be good at screenwriting you have to be an exceptionally good loser.
The astounding thing is that most screenwriters, or the ones attempting to be, suck at losing, really bad, pathetically. Several of them have blogs that seem to be designed around losing, most of their posts laced with "Debbie Downer-isms" about not getting a read, return call, competition win, or how much they hate DIABLO CODY for making this job look easy.
The amount of losers that these down-trodden scribes attract is amazing, misery seems to love company.
EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY
A steaming locomotive puffs up to the station, lines HISS as the mass of pot metal grinds to a hault. A crowd of crabby scribes jockey for position, near a passenger car door, as it swings open with a SCREECH.
CONDUCTOR
(gleeful)
Next stop" the Land of Sore Losers!!
CUT TO:
INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING
Brian shakes his head, thinking about the pathetic, sore losers.
BRIAN (V.O.)
Losing is an art form that we should all strive to be good at. Anyone can be a gracious winner, that's what winning is about: looking good, making it look easy, being the pro. But losing, that draws the line between amateurs and professionals, the decent and indecent, the good spirited or sore loser. When you watch someone lose their real character is revealed.
That's the difference in this blog, it's loser rehab. So if you find yourself swimming with sharks and you need some inspirational motivation to get off of that cloud, come here, and post something, but don't be such a loser, or at least a sore one.
CUT TO:
EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY
A sleek, modern german ICE train glides into the station, electronic doors whirring open in sync.
CONDUCTOR
(gleeful)
Next stop, The Winners.. ALL ABOARD!!
FADE OUT
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
LOCKS OF LOVE
EXT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING
A LADY, with a "BABY IN A SACK" across her CHEST, STRIDES up the slow INCLINE in full view of the PORCH. Her small, WHITE TERRIER, diligently at her side. Brian WAVES. She WAVES back.
BRIAN (V.O.)
"Baby in a Sack", gotta admire the inventor of that thing!
(beat)
In my quest to look more like a writer I have been growing my hair out. Where once whitish-pink or sunburned earlobes glistened, there are now long, red fringes of hair. The whole process has been quite a learning experience, namely that long hair is freaking HOT, I mean in temperature, it can get boiling under here!
(beat)
Women with long hair do not get enough appreciation for what they endure. For some unknown reason, girls with pixie-headed buzzcuts get a lot of respect and attention. They enjoy the low maintainence cut and all the cool breezes and praise, while the rest of the women are sweltering under their lovely locks, all in the name of femininity.
(beat)
And guys? They get even less respect for their long hair. In stores where I once was greeted with "how can I help you?" it's now "hey man"? How is it that every guy figures a man with longer hair wants to be referred to as man? It's "folicle profiling", I swear.
INT. OFFICE SUPPLY STORE
ANNOYING SALES GUY
Hey man, need any help?
BRIAN
No, umm, thanks, was just looking.
ANNOYING SALES GUY
Okay dude, but if you need something, I'm right here, man.
BRIAN
I was just leaving.
EXT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING
BRIAN (V.O.)
I guess we all know why Fabio always has that forlorn look, under the heat of those locks, always being referred to as "man" or "dude.
(beat)
There was a guy with unusually long hair on Jeopardy, months ago. Turns out he grows it over ten inches to meet the required length for donating to "LOCKS OF LOVE", then has it cut.
(beat)
Rather noble gesture, because the worst thing about it is the heat, I swear.
(beat"
And dealing with all of this "folicle profiling", geesh!
A LADY, with a "BABY IN A SACK" across her CHEST, STRIDES up the slow INCLINE in full view of the PORCH. Her small, WHITE TERRIER, diligently at her side. Brian WAVES. She WAVES back.
BRIAN (V.O.)
"Baby in a Sack", gotta admire the inventor of that thing!
(beat)
In my quest to look more like a writer I have been growing my hair out. Where once whitish-pink or sunburned earlobes glistened, there are now long, red fringes of hair. The whole process has been quite a learning experience, namely that long hair is freaking HOT, I mean in temperature, it can get boiling under here!
(beat)
Women with long hair do not get enough appreciation for what they endure. For some unknown reason, girls with pixie-headed buzzcuts get a lot of respect and attention. They enjoy the low maintainence cut and all the cool breezes and praise, while the rest of the women are sweltering under their lovely locks, all in the name of femininity.
(beat)
And guys? They get even less respect for their long hair. In stores where I once was greeted with "how can I help you?" it's now "hey man"? How is it that every guy figures a man with longer hair wants to be referred to as man? It's "folicle profiling", I swear.
INT. OFFICE SUPPLY STORE
ANNOYING SALES GUY
Hey man, need any help?
BRIAN
No, umm, thanks, was just looking.
ANNOYING SALES GUY
Okay dude, but if you need something, I'm right here, man.
BRIAN
I was just leaving.
EXT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING
BRIAN (V.O.)
I guess we all know why Fabio always has that forlorn look, under the heat of those locks, always being referred to as "man" or "dude.
(beat)
There was a guy with unusually long hair on Jeopardy, months ago. Turns out he grows it over ten inches to meet the required length for donating to "LOCKS OF LOVE", then has it cut.
(beat)
Rather noble gesture, because the worst thing about it is the heat, I swear.
(beat"
And dealing with all of this "folicle profiling", geesh!
Monday, August 10, 2009
REDHEADED WRITER
EXT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING
Brian PUFFS away on a cigarette.
His FINGERS HOVER over the LAPTOP as he sweats in NINETY-ONE degrees of HEAT.
BRIAN (V.O.)
There's no AC out here, and I smoke, so that puts me out here.
(beat)
Smoking is a nasty, addictive habit, I know, so spare me the emails. It pisses me off. Not the fact that it stinks or what, the fact that any other addict like an alcoholic, doper, fatass, shopaholic, or what, is classified as having a "disease". They're victims, I'm a freaking perpetrator, brandishing an orange-tipped glowing death-stick?? EXCUSE ME!
BRIAN STABS the cig down into the ASHTRAY.
The smoke LINGERS.
It STINKS.
BRIAN (V.O.)
Moving on, I wanted to talk about the image of a writer. Going into this, I figured, in my fantasy world, it doesn't matter how a writer looks, it matters how they write. Boy was I wrong.
(beat)
This sad bit of news came when I first went to the NICHOLL AWARDS site. There stood all five 2008 winners, and they looked like writers! Yep, imagine that.
(beat)
Then, I pulled up DIABLO CODY, talk about shock and awe, I thought I had accidentally fumbled upon the "Dita von Teese" homepage or what.
Brian wipes SWEAT from his FOREHEAD.
He appears to be COOKING on the PORCH.
BRIAN (V.O.)
Okay, I feel fine about my looks, but I don't think I look like a WRITER! How many redheaded male screenwriters have you seen? Maybe one? You're thinking RON HOWARD? Me too, but isn't he more a producer and director? HELL, I'll take it though!
EXT. SCREENWRITER'S PARTY - SUNSET
Brian, feeling a bit OUT OF PLACE, hides himself near a large PLANT URN.
Suddenly, he notes a figure with TRACES of RED HAIR.
It's RON HOWARD.
Mr. Howard approaches, WHISPERING into his LAPEL.
HOWARD
(whispering)
Security? There's a guy hiding behind an urn.
SECURITY
(filtered)
Yessir, Mr. Howard, description please.
HOWARD
(serious)
He's got RED HAIR.
SECURITY
(filtered)
Is he one of the writers?
HOWARD
(angry)
Didn't you hear me?? He has RED HAIR!
RON HOWARD confronts BRIAN.
HOWARD
(skeptical)
Umm, do you have an invite?
BRIAN
(sweating bullets)
Umm, yessir, I mean Mr. Howard, sir, right here sir.
Brian hands Howard the SOGGY INVITE.
HOWARD
(sympathetically)
Okay, it checks out.
Hehe, I've never seen a redheaded male writer.
Have a good night, OPIE!!
BRIAN
(sighs)
Yessir, thank you, you too Mr. Howard.
INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING
Brian lights another COFFIN NAIL.
He checks his BLACKBERRY for messages.
He runs his fingers through his SWEATY RED HAIR.
BRIAN (V.O.)
I'm surprised that Blog Reader #1 hasn't chimed in yet. Bet that guy doesn't look like a writer at all. Good.
(beat)
So, no, I'm not going to run out and get a sleeve full of tattoos, or clear lenses or what to look like a writer. It's just another thing on the list to work at, so when Ron Howard DOES walk up, he thinks I'm a writer, not a prowler.
FADE OUT
Brian PUFFS away on a cigarette.
His FINGERS HOVER over the LAPTOP as he sweats in NINETY-ONE degrees of HEAT.
BRIAN (V.O.)
There's no AC out here, and I smoke, so that puts me out here.
(beat)
Smoking is a nasty, addictive habit, I know, so spare me the emails. It pisses me off. Not the fact that it stinks or what, the fact that any other addict like an alcoholic, doper, fatass, shopaholic, or what, is classified as having a "disease". They're victims, I'm a freaking perpetrator, brandishing an orange-tipped glowing death-stick?? EXCUSE ME!
BRIAN STABS the cig down into the ASHTRAY.
The smoke LINGERS.
It STINKS.
BRIAN (V.O.)
Moving on, I wanted to talk about the image of a writer. Going into this, I figured, in my fantasy world, it doesn't matter how a writer looks, it matters how they write. Boy was I wrong.
(beat)
This sad bit of news came when I first went to the NICHOLL AWARDS site. There stood all five 2008 winners, and they looked like writers! Yep, imagine that.
(beat)
Then, I pulled up DIABLO CODY, talk about shock and awe, I thought I had accidentally fumbled upon the "Dita von Teese" homepage or what.
Brian wipes SWEAT from his FOREHEAD.
He appears to be COOKING on the PORCH.
BRIAN (V.O.)
Okay, I feel fine about my looks, but I don't think I look like a WRITER! How many redheaded male screenwriters have you seen? Maybe one? You're thinking RON HOWARD? Me too, but isn't he more a producer and director? HELL, I'll take it though!
EXT. SCREENWRITER'S PARTY - SUNSET
Brian, feeling a bit OUT OF PLACE, hides himself near a large PLANT URN.
Suddenly, he notes a figure with TRACES of RED HAIR.
It's RON HOWARD.
Mr. Howard approaches, WHISPERING into his LAPEL.
HOWARD
(whispering)
Security? There's a guy hiding behind an urn.
SECURITY
(filtered)
Yessir, Mr. Howard, description please.
HOWARD
(serious)
He's got RED HAIR.
SECURITY
(filtered)
Is he one of the writers?
HOWARD
(angry)
Didn't you hear me?? He has RED HAIR!
RON HOWARD confronts BRIAN.
HOWARD
(skeptical)
Umm, do you have an invite?
BRIAN
(sweating bullets)
Umm, yessir, I mean Mr. Howard, sir, right here sir.
Brian hands Howard the SOGGY INVITE.
HOWARD
(sympathetically)
Okay, it checks out.
Hehe, I've never seen a redheaded male writer.
Have a good night, OPIE!!
BRIAN
(sighs)
Yessir, thank you, you too Mr. Howard.
INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING
Brian lights another COFFIN NAIL.
He checks his BLACKBERRY for messages.
He runs his fingers through his SWEATY RED HAIR.
BRIAN (V.O.)
I'm surprised that Blog Reader #1 hasn't chimed in yet. Bet that guy doesn't look like a writer at all. Good.
(beat)
So, no, I'm not going to run out and get a sleeve full of tattoos, or clear lenses or what to look like a writer. It's just another thing on the list to work at, so when Ron Howard DOES walk up, he thinks I'm a writer, not a prowler.
FADE OUT
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