Do you believe in your story? The script that you toiled over, day and night, or maybe just on weekends because you're paying the bills with that full-time job? How far will you go to see it on the screen? I know, completing it is task enough, and printing that much paper and drilling holes can be a daunting duty, but is that enough?
And then there's the query letter -- face it, you could spend hundreds and hundreds of hard-earned dollars in SASE's and envelopes alone, there's postage, the cost to print them. Easily they come out to one dollar per, but where do they go, in a producer's trash can (we hope they're recycling all that paper!)?
I've decided to give this script one year after launch, meaning, if it's not picked up by then I'm filming it myself. Yes, suddenly the "hotel" scene will be in my own backyard. Airport? No problem, the parking lot of a local terminal, I don't care, I'm shooting it. If I have to do the damn thing with an animation program or stick figures, whatever it is, the crude characters will be delivering my lines.
Then I'll "youtube" it, and pester whoever I can, face it, two stick figures with good action and dialogue beats most of what is uploaded into that cesspool on a daily basis anyway.
Maybe nobody will care, perhaps I'll get kicked off "youtube" for using a U-2 album as the soundtrack. But I'll make that film, that's the goal here, and anything else is icing on the cake.
But it wouldn't hurt if Fox Searchlight picked it up!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
HANGOVER
No, I don't have one, lol, I was talking about the movie. It had a $40 million budget and current returns are $460 million. That's half a billion! That's enough, probably to buy Michigan, well, not all of it, but at least the city of Detroit, and then you'd have to spend another half-billion to "flip" it. Good problem to have I guess, spending that kind of money.
I haven't seen "Hangover", that's not what the post is about. What interests me moreso, are the numbers. It had a June release date, that tells me it's a good date to go with: start of the summer, kids are out of school.
I can't find the rating, but I'm guessing PG-13? Kids know how to sneak around all of this, not a factor.
Ed Helms and that asian guy from "Community" are actors in it, that would have some draw. But c'mon, Meryl Streep has a big fan base, face it -- they could have had a street performer act some of this out.
The name doesn't hurt, everyone knows what a hangover feels like, it's short and catchy. Generally, a hangover is not perceived as good, so name your screenplay something like "Nauseous" and you might have a chance.
In any case, the DVD has not released yet, so be prepared to double their take. AND -- guess what? Hangover II is scheduled to shoot October, 2010, for a Memorial Day 2011 release.
Looks like Warner Brothers will be buying Detroit and the rest of the state, and with California's problems, they might be moving the studios there too.
Prepared to be hungover.
FADE OUT
I haven't seen "Hangover", that's not what the post is about. What interests me moreso, are the numbers. It had a June release date, that tells me it's a good date to go with: start of the summer, kids are out of school.
I can't find the rating, but I'm guessing PG-13? Kids know how to sneak around all of this, not a factor.
Ed Helms and that asian guy from "Community" are actors in it, that would have some draw. But c'mon, Meryl Streep has a big fan base, face it -- they could have had a street performer act some of this out.
The name doesn't hurt, everyone knows what a hangover feels like, it's short and catchy. Generally, a hangover is not perceived as good, so name your screenplay something like "Nauseous" and you might have a chance.
In any case, the DVD has not released yet, so be prepared to double their take. AND -- guess what? Hangover II is scheduled to shoot October, 2010, for a Memorial Day 2011 release.
Looks like Warner Brothers will be buying Detroit and the rest of the state, and with California's problems, they might be moving the studios there too.
Prepared to be hungover.
FADE OUT
Friday, November 13, 2009
POOR SCRIBES
Oh, the poor, downtrodden scribes! Pity the souls of thee who embark on such a wretched journey, with pen or laptop in hand, strolling unwittingly to their own execution!
90% of writers come at me with this crap, lol.
I've learned five different professions in my life, not including all the trades that I know one helluva lot about, and could easily hang tough with some of the best in, like drywalling (which translated means "torture".) In all my trials and tribulations of learning and working in these occupations, I never once heard so many negative things as I have from writers.
"Hollywood is...", "oh, but don't be fooled, executives don't...", etc., and what was your point? Oh, that succeeding in something is difficult? I'd agree. Ohhh, no, you mean -- succeeding in screenwriting is real difficult, like ueber-extraordinary-difficult, like the toughest, most grueling, pitiful, and damning thing that the world can offer?
I doubt it. No, correction, I know for a fact it's not true.
Really difficult, for example, is the life of a roofer. I have very limited experience in the sector, but I have stood on a wet roof long enough to know that what stands between a roofer and death is a slip on rain-soaked tarpaper, and a fifteen foot fall. Don't believe me? Google "roofer died", and you'll have a new appreciation for whatever your job is, unless you're an iron-worker, up on a beam.
But the scribes would say that's the life of a roofer. To which I reply that rejection and lack of success are part of being a writer -- get over it, and quit whining and telling us how hard it is, we don't care.
But I don't feel like stopping there, I want to give the scribes the old "one-two", I'm going to knock them in their whiny egos --
"You're all judgmental".
Hehe, yep, writers are judgmental, they stereotype like living hell, they have to, it's demanded in their trade. For the unfamiliar, there are these things called "character traits" that a writer must adhere to. These will reflect how your character walks, talks, where they vacation -- so the audience can judge how the character will react.
"That's out of character" means that you created a roofer, who might look and talk the way you think a roofer looks and talks like, but he's smarter than his client character who is a screenwriter.
I know what you're thinking: if he's so smart he wouldn't be a roofer. Therein lies your bad judgment.
To you, dear writer, a roofer is just like a doorman or any other stereotype you write into a script. And you and Hollywood can help reinforce this attitude with the way you write and cast for different nationalities, because we all know the stereotypical tactics you'll use. You'll either go along with the judgmental values, or try to make the character the exact opposite of what is considered the "norm" for their race.
So, scribes, try getting over that. You tried ruining my week with your bull of apathetic funk, I saved it all up and gave you a "whippen" to think about.
Have a good weekend!
FADE OUT
90% of writers come at me with this crap, lol.
I've learned five different professions in my life, not including all the trades that I know one helluva lot about, and could easily hang tough with some of the best in, like drywalling (which translated means "torture".) In all my trials and tribulations of learning and working in these occupations, I never once heard so many negative things as I have from writers.
"Hollywood is...", "oh, but don't be fooled, executives don't...", etc., and what was your point? Oh, that succeeding in something is difficult? I'd agree. Ohhh, no, you mean -- succeeding in screenwriting is real difficult, like ueber-extraordinary-difficult, like the toughest, most grueling, pitiful, and damning thing that the world can offer?
I doubt it. No, correction, I know for a fact it's not true.
Really difficult, for example, is the life of a roofer. I have very limited experience in the sector, but I have stood on a wet roof long enough to know that what stands between a roofer and death is a slip on rain-soaked tarpaper, and a fifteen foot fall. Don't believe me? Google "roofer died", and you'll have a new appreciation for whatever your job is, unless you're an iron-worker, up on a beam.
But the scribes would say that's the life of a roofer. To which I reply that rejection and lack of success are part of being a writer -- get over it, and quit whining and telling us how hard it is, we don't care.
But I don't feel like stopping there, I want to give the scribes the old "one-two", I'm going to knock them in their whiny egos --
"You're all judgmental".
Hehe, yep, writers are judgmental, they stereotype like living hell, they have to, it's demanded in their trade. For the unfamiliar, there are these things called "character traits" that a writer must adhere to. These will reflect how your character walks, talks, where they vacation -- so the audience can judge how the character will react.
"That's out of character" means that you created a roofer, who might look and talk the way you think a roofer looks and talks like, but he's smarter than his client character who is a screenwriter.
I know what you're thinking: if he's so smart he wouldn't be a roofer. Therein lies your bad judgment.
To you, dear writer, a roofer is just like a doorman or any other stereotype you write into a script. And you and Hollywood can help reinforce this attitude with the way you write and cast for different nationalities, because we all know the stereotypical tactics you'll use. You'll either go along with the judgmental values, or try to make the character the exact opposite of what is considered the "norm" for their race.
So, scribes, try getting over that. You tried ruining my week with your bull of apathetic funk, I saved it all up and gave you a "whippen" to think about.
Have a good weekend!
FADE OUT
Thursday, November 12, 2009
SOUNDS IN A SCRIPT
Hey y'all, (so they say down here) just a note to tell you that I'm in the process of diving into a serious marketing campaign. Stay tuned.
Meanwhile feast your eyes on produced screenwriter Esther Luttrell's great tips on whether or not to capitalize SOUNDS in your script!
http://www.estherluttrell.net/Sound-in-a-script.html
Meanwhile feast your eyes on produced screenwriter Esther Luttrell's great tips on whether or not to capitalize SOUNDS in your script!
http://www.estherluttrell.net/Sound-in-a-script.html
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
ACTION!
I just took a journey through the unexplained, or moreso, explained for the first time. Nobody explained it, maybe I'm still trying to figure it out --
Action - Description lines.
Sure, I was describing the action, no prob there, and in the least amount of words possible, as advised by the pro-readers. The problem is, that is choppy, clinical -- there's nothing artistic or creative about it at all. I was moving my mannequins around the room.
Crack open a produced script and you'll see some awfully strange yet interesting action lines, such as:
He exhaled, as if to say "you bet your ass."
What? That's allowed?
Apparently so, and better than the way I put it:
He exhaled.
CHARACTER
You bet your ass.
There's the mannequin in me, I guess.
What ensued was a total rewrite of overthinking the game, I started using adverbs and other things I hadn't introduced before. Didn't help.
A mentor suggested "just write your story", actually two of them said that. Well, I've done that, and it is a very strong structure and plot, all the other things I hear writers battling with came out really good for me.
Except action lines, I guess, like now --
He types away - quick to finish.
He's typing as fast as he can.
He's typing his post, but thinking about breakfast.
Something like that.
FADE OUT
Action - Description lines.
Sure, I was describing the action, no prob there, and in the least amount of words possible, as advised by the pro-readers. The problem is, that is choppy, clinical -- there's nothing artistic or creative about it at all. I was moving my mannequins around the room.
Crack open a produced script and you'll see some awfully strange yet interesting action lines, such as:
He exhaled, as if to say "you bet your ass."
What? That's allowed?
Apparently so, and better than the way I put it:
He exhaled.
CHARACTER
You bet your ass.
There's the mannequin in me, I guess.
What ensued was a total rewrite of overthinking the game, I started using adverbs and other things I hadn't introduced before. Didn't help.
A mentor suggested "just write your story", actually two of them said that. Well, I've done that, and it is a very strong structure and plot, all the other things I hear writers battling with came out really good for me.
Except action lines, I guess, like now --
He types away - quick to finish.
He's typing as fast as he can.
He's typing his post, but thinking about breakfast.
Something like that.
FADE OUT
Monday, November 9, 2009
NEXT FLOOR: DOUBT
INT. ELEVATOR - DAY
Crowded, elbow to elbow. "Packed like sardines" becomes a term you can empathize with. A short REDHEADED FEMALE, in a doorman's cap and jacket, pokes a button on the panel -- it lights up.
The slight g-force jerks the box upwards, suddenly the thought of the floor dropping out becomes a welcome idea -- at least you'd be out of this hell-hole of breathy passengers, who are probably transmitting the flu to you at this very moment.
Kill me or set me free -- just get it f'n over!
Our capped guide turns her head -- it's KATHY GRIFFIN. We feel the urge to call her Kathy Griffith, just to watch her flip-out.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Next floor: "Doubt."
WTF? "Doubt" is a floor, you're thinking? Can't wait to see this.
Gravity halts us, the doors WHIRR open, robotically.
We see several SCRIBES of all genders and colors -- a BLACK MAN does a good Eddy Murphy imitation while pitching to a fat, condescending PRODUCER.
BLACK MAN
How was that one?
PRODUCER
Hmm, no, show me something else, something good -- flesh it out, like Eddy Murphy is doing Madea, but she's sexy, not fat, but kind of sounds like Whitney Houston.
BLACK MAN
What the f--
They're interrupted by a writer dressed like William Shakespeare -- no, that's actually WILLIAM F'N SHAKESPEARE!! He goes up to the producer, gets in his face, pretty aggressive for a guy who's so well-respected.
SHAKESPEARE
You, my friend, whilst in the process of judging others, in all thine--
Thank god he's interrupted, because even though you're supposed to love his work, fact is, you just can't stand all that "whilst" and "thine" crap, fess up.
Oh, almost forgot to mention that he's been interrupted by KIM, of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, who is being chased by Ne Ne, both on hooker-heels and doused in that glitter-crap, that only a hooker or cougar would have on.
KIM
(off key)
Tardy-for-the party, oh, uh-uh, ohhh, don't be...
NE NE
C'mere, Ki-yam, I'ma throw you some shade -- and a left hook, ya biy-otch.
Nobody dares step off the elevator's abyss.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Anyone want off? Nobody?? Hey folks, I've been there, it's not that bad, Lindsay Lohan f'n LIVES here -- shop around, check it out!
BRIAN
Umm, what other floors are there?
KATHY GRIFFIN
Lemme see, this is "Doubt", other choices would be "Sacrifice", top floor is "Arrogance", down in the basement we have "Self-Loathing" -- did you know that Courtney Love hangs down there quite a bit?
BRIAN
Got anything good, like "Success"?
KATHY GRIFFIN
Ha!! You're in the wrong place, buddy -- Trump Tower is miles from here, and I wouldn't head down there unless you've got a producer!
BRIAN
(sighs)
Any leads?
KATHY GRIFFIN
I hear Mark Burnett is up on the "Arrogance" floor today.
BRIAN
Seems I have no choice.
Kathy presses the "Arrogance" button, the doors start to close. Brian sticks his hand out, halting the gates.
BRIAN
Shakespeare, get in here, I'll be needing your services!
FADE OUT
Crowded, elbow to elbow. "Packed like sardines" becomes a term you can empathize with. A short REDHEADED FEMALE, in a doorman's cap and jacket, pokes a button on the panel -- it lights up.
The slight g-force jerks the box upwards, suddenly the thought of the floor dropping out becomes a welcome idea -- at least you'd be out of this hell-hole of breathy passengers, who are probably transmitting the flu to you at this very moment.
Kill me or set me free -- just get it f'n over!
Our capped guide turns her head -- it's KATHY GRIFFIN. We feel the urge to call her Kathy Griffith, just to watch her flip-out.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Next floor: "Doubt."
WTF? "Doubt" is a floor, you're thinking? Can't wait to see this.
Gravity halts us, the doors WHIRR open, robotically.
We see several SCRIBES of all genders and colors -- a BLACK MAN does a good Eddy Murphy imitation while pitching to a fat, condescending PRODUCER.
BLACK MAN
How was that one?
PRODUCER
Hmm, no, show me something else, something good -- flesh it out, like Eddy Murphy is doing Madea, but she's sexy, not fat, but kind of sounds like Whitney Houston.
BLACK MAN
What the f--
They're interrupted by a writer dressed like William Shakespeare -- no, that's actually WILLIAM F'N SHAKESPEARE!! He goes up to the producer, gets in his face, pretty aggressive for a guy who's so well-respected.
SHAKESPEARE
You, my friend, whilst in the process of judging others, in all thine--
Thank god he's interrupted, because even though you're supposed to love his work, fact is, you just can't stand all that "whilst" and "thine" crap, fess up.
Oh, almost forgot to mention that he's been interrupted by KIM, of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, who is being chased by Ne Ne, both on hooker-heels and doused in that glitter-crap, that only a hooker or cougar would have on.
KIM
(off key)
Tardy-for-the party, oh, uh-uh, ohhh, don't be...
NE NE
C'mere, Ki-yam, I'ma throw you some shade -- and a left hook, ya biy-otch.
Nobody dares step off the elevator's abyss.
KATHY GRIFFIN
Anyone want off? Nobody?? Hey folks, I've been there, it's not that bad, Lindsay Lohan f'n LIVES here -- shop around, check it out!
BRIAN
Umm, what other floors are there?
KATHY GRIFFIN
Lemme see, this is "Doubt", other choices would be "Sacrifice", top floor is "Arrogance", down in the basement we have "Self-Loathing" -- did you know that Courtney Love hangs down there quite a bit?
BRIAN
Got anything good, like "Success"?
KATHY GRIFFIN
Ha!! You're in the wrong place, buddy -- Trump Tower is miles from here, and I wouldn't head down there unless you've got a producer!
BRIAN
(sighs)
Any leads?
KATHY GRIFFIN
I hear Mark Burnett is up on the "Arrogance" floor today.
BRIAN
Seems I have no choice.
Kathy presses the "Arrogance" button, the doors start to close. Brian sticks his hand out, halting the gates.
BRIAN
Shakespeare, get in here, I'll be needing your services!
FADE OUT
Sunday, November 8, 2009
OP-ED: BRANDING A CITY PT. 2
On Sunday, Lovely Wife showed me the front of the local newspaper with the headline of "City Approves New Slogan."
I hadn't even opened the paper - I was still on the laptop trying to decipher mysterious sluglines in produced scripts, such as --
SECURITY CHECKPOINT - SAME
Thanks Jason Reitman, for that confusing scene heading.
Back to the newspaper -- the other day I wrote an op-ed and sent it in, concerning the proposed city slogan of "The Right Size."
CLICK HERE FOR MY OP-ED
An assistant to the editor said it could be weeks before it was printed. Imagine my surprise when I opened the paper, and there it was already, with my pic, as usual.
Not only that, but the entire page was themed around the "Right Size" slogan. A big political cartoon at the top had a hillbilly-looking fellow nailing a banner, that said "size matters", to a city entrance sign.
On the left column -- the official paper editorial spoke of the possible perils in using such a slogan.
At the bottom -- Editor Rich Whiting charged others to come up with a slogan, but a good one.
In all, seems my column was word-porn for the local newspaper, and they went nuts, rightfully so. I guess I said what they had been thinking -- just had to open the door for them.
Three neighbors have walked past my screened porch since, none acknowledging my presence. Who knows, maybe they didn't see me, but when you write an op-ed about a dumb idea in a southern city, a lot of people "don't take too kindly to it" --
especially when you're a "yankee" who has only lived here for a year.
I hadn't even opened the paper - I was still on the laptop trying to decipher mysterious sluglines in produced scripts, such as --
SECURITY CHECKPOINT - SAME
Thanks Jason Reitman, for that confusing scene heading.
Back to the newspaper -- the other day I wrote an op-ed and sent it in, concerning the proposed city slogan of "The Right Size."
CLICK HERE FOR MY OP-ED
An assistant to the editor said it could be weeks before it was printed. Imagine my surprise when I opened the paper, and there it was already, with my pic, as usual.
Not only that, but the entire page was themed around the "Right Size" slogan. A big political cartoon at the top had a hillbilly-looking fellow nailing a banner, that said "size matters", to a city entrance sign.
On the left column -- the official paper editorial spoke of the possible perils in using such a slogan.
At the bottom -- Editor Rich Whiting charged others to come up with a slogan, but a good one.
In all, seems my column was word-porn for the local newspaper, and they went nuts, rightfully so. I guess I said what they had been thinking -- just had to open the door for them.
Three neighbors have walked past my screened porch since, none acknowledging my presence. Who knows, maybe they didn't see me, but when you write an op-ed about a dumb idea in a southern city, a lot of people "don't take too kindly to it" --
especially when you're a "yankee" who has only lived here for a year.
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