STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

I've started Monday with a good laugh, thanks to the blog called "STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE". When I saw the link I didn't know what to imagine, would this be a parody of great things that just white people like? Sort of. My take is that it's things that you're "supposed" to like if you're white, to be hip, because the things on the list are so unique. But if you're on the real inside loop, you'll know that liking the things in this list do not make you unique at all, especially if you're white.

For script writing, it's a great resource to create a character, an especially white one. Need a hip main character who goes to college, discovering himself along the way, doing cool things? Just pull up the trusty list and you'll soon find that your protagonist should:

#1 love coffee.
#14 have a black friend
#47 pursue an arts degree
#52 be "into" Sarah Silverman
and #82 have a hate for any given corporation, say "Wal-Mart", for example.

They should also be a fan of some sort of #2 religion they have no comprehension of, but can toss a few keywords around.

Instant character, and maybe that's what the list is about.

Oh sure, I'm a big fan of many things on the list, don't get me wrong. The good part is clicking on that link to find out how it is okay for me to like that particular subject without being pretentious about it. I don't have to wave it on a banner or throw it in anyone's face. I understand that saying I love #34 architecture will only make me a snob if I continually insert I.M. Pei into the conversation.

Lovely Wife and I are #32 vegetarians, but we're fairly secretive about it, we don't throw it in anyone's face. Your average white vegan friend will, however, give you a dissertation on how meat rots in your colon (a Canadian student, who was white, did this to me once). Hey, everything rots in your colon, even veggies, join the club!

We love #24 wine, but don't claim to know many types, let alone certain regions. But your white fake wine snob expects you to. When they ask you what your favorite wine is, the author advises to just make up the name of a wine, followed by a country, and tell them it's a very rare find. They'll be impressed.

My favorite, for the moment, has to be #89 Saint Patrick's Day. It's what I call a "hoosier holiday", and ties in a race with #113 Halloween. To enlighten, in the midwest, a hoosier is sort of like an uncultured type who rarely mows his lawn, but goes to great lengths to cover the house with spiderwebs and lights on Halloween. That's the one, all dressed in green, chugging down Budweiser at your local St. Patty's parade.

It seems everyone except the Irish celebrate this day in the fashion that we have come to know it here, kind of like Cinco de Mayo, which should be added to the list. All of the sudden everyone wants to be Irish, much like young white men #107 make self aware hip hop references, or are #20 an expert on YOUR own culture.

I hate St. Patrick's Day because I'm redheaded and half Scottish, but everyone assumes Brian the pale redhead must be Irish. They assume all redheads are Irish, when in fact the pict gene, the red DNA, comes from Scotland. They assume that it's cool to claim they come from the tribe that was once banned from employment under the NINA (no Irish need apply) laws. They probably think the potato famine refers to a shortage of french fries at McDonald's.

And they fake liking Guinness, c'mon, it tastes like cigarettes put out in stale Pabst Blue Ribbon.

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