SCREENWRITING -- THE NEXT GENERATION

In 2009, I created this blog to document an amateur's foray into writing screenplays. I started at zero, no prior screenwriting knowledge, just some creative writing experience with the number of websites I built throughout the years for businesses, including my own, in the arts.

I laid out the format for the blog to be as "script-like" as possible, and though simple, it has received many compliments, for both its look as well as content. I did not plagiarize a thing, I learned from others, then put that into my own words.

Below is the storyline that ran continuously on the right sidebar--

"STORYLINE
Brian, a middle-aged decorative artist and instructor by trade, ends up in rural South Carolina after a chain of events spurred by a dying economy. Bent on finding a new profession and returning to urban life, he discovers the craft of screenwriting, after his wife's enthusiasm over a published "op-ed" political column that he has written. His goal is to write a spec script in sixty days, in hopes of eventually selling it, generating enough cash to get back to the city life.

Can he write it? Will it be a sell? Will the economy ever rebound? Can South Carolina legislators do any more to embarrass him during his stay in this state? Is it a pipe dream to want to live within ten minutes of a "Barnes & Noble" and "Target" again?

Stay tuned, we'll see!!"

It was a creative, humbling, and enlightening experience, which continued until we got notice of a transfer to Houston in 2010. In no particular order, I learned that--
*most forms of writing are underrated, misunderstood, and taken for granted.
*writing is also not as easy as anyone assumes.
*most people have no idea what a screenplay is for, why it is necessary, or how it works, and the agonizing details that make one succeed or fail.
*since the economic / housing bubble burst, Hollywood is on a budget too. They don't buy ten spec scripts in one WHACK to "just to do it" anymore. They tend to buy screenplays written by actors, because that extra attached element gets them double BANG for the buck, from someone who actually reads scripts and has been on sets, and has a track record of performance under a director and producer.
*you can learn a lot from professional writers as well as producers, readers, etc., who graciously share their info online, if you are willing to do the work.
*you can easily be misguided by the more than 95% who post online, claiming they know how the system works, but have mysteriously never been produced.
*plenty of people are willing to "teach" you this craft for money, although most do not have produced scripts or strong credentials.
*a majority of amateur (meaning non-produced) screenwriters tend to be snarky, defensive, often extreme, as well self-righteous.
*professional (produced) screenwriters have a laid-back, friendly, approachable demeanor, are open-minded, and very often willing to help those they come into contact with. Omit this thought if they're actors...just kidding!

If you go through my posts in chronological order, by date, you will see how I start off with common mistakes, learn as I go, and work my way all the way up to writing screenplays. "CLUNKER" is my biggest claim to fame and I still believe in it, questionable if it will be ever made but I'm very proud of that piece of work.

After a long hiatus from writing, in a new town, with a changed career, I realized the other day that my next venture relies in part on my screenwriting skills. It is a joy to realize that. The lesson here is that learning something new is never bad, and you just might need it again one day.

Please stay tuned for the next chapter in my life, career, and something strongly related to screenwriting that seems to have much better odds in success than the spec script market, at least for the moment!

FADED OUT, NOW I'M FADING BACK IN!

VIRTUAL REALITY OF SCREENWRITING

I've been on a long, yet short, eight-month journey in the world of screenwriting. I spent long hours in training and achieved goals in a short amount of time. It's been a lesson that you really do set your own pace in this life.

Screenwriting as a craft is invigorating -- a challenging environment where you have to put a virtual world into the least but most descriptive words. It's a mind game that worked my brain like never before, and it makes me look at black fonts over white pages as an incredible gift.

Screenwriting as a profession is subjective -- screenwriters walk a fine line on the edge of an abyss. When people don't understand your words or practices and the meaning behind them it can be the ultimate frustration. People, in general, do not enjoy being told that they are not communicating correctly.

The future of screenwriting is bleak -- less spec scripts are selling, there are battles over writing credits. It's as if Hollywood cares more about a known name being tagged than what the content of the script is, or who actually wrote it.

I know a lot of people who love to write and if it's your passion then you should keep on with it, regardless of the market conditions. There will always be a need for screenwriters, especially in television and for smaller prodcos. And, if you hit the writing Lotto, your spec might make it in big Hollywood, it's always something to shoot for.

For now, I'm stepping out of the virtual world of screenwriting and back into my reality of renovating and prepping for the move to Houston. It feels good being productive, with my hands on a brush, and being able to look at the results. The black fonts have been replaced by colorful swashes on the wall and ceiling.

I'm not giving up on screenwriting -- I have three good spec scripts which will get more polished, and I'm looking forward to contacting the local prodco when I get to Houston. But for now, efforts have to stay focused on actually getting there.

I would never regret making the time investment I have in order to learn how to write a script, and it didn't cost me one penny, that was also a goal. I'm certified and qualified in a myriad of things, all of which I'm proud of, and screenwriting has added perspective to my life.

But -- I'm an artist and instructor, students always said that was my true calling. In that realm I've had my most exciting moments and successes, and I supported myself for over twenty years with it. Decorative painting is "sexy", all about moves and motions, processes that lead to a visual end result that everyone can enjoy, if done properly. It's fast-moving, especially in my classes -- given just a few days to convey a lifetime of painting experience to students so they can go out and do business. It's exciting and very rewarding, so I'm looking forward to teaching again.

Good luck in your writing, or whatever you do.

Goodbye virtual, hello reality!

FADE OUT, BUT NOT AWAY!

I WILL BE BACK -- THEREFORE I AM

I tried to stay off the blog for a month, while "CLUNKER" occupied the main post spot. Apparently, I couldn't do it, falling a few days short. Seems I love to write.

So, happy 2010, all. Seems a lot like 2009 after all the smoke and hypomania clears, doesn't it? But, for true artists, hypomania never goes away, and that's why I'm back to posting!

A lot has happened in a month, and I'm not going to blow all of that in one blog post, we do want to conserve our resources here. Just as in screenwriting -- can't do all the good jokes in act one, to follow with nothing. Screenwriter note -- that's referred to as "top heavy", not a good thing, at least in writing.

What's in store, for sure? A move -- yep, you'll find out where, how, why -- all of it. A career change -- AGAIN! The progress of my rescued kittens! My ongoing love-hate relationship with home renovation! All about TRIGGERSTREET.COM! "CLUNKER" and where it has gone in a month! If INKTIP.COM is a hoax, or not. Could you be a READER, and why would you want to (it's all about the pain!)?

So, an update, screenwriter tip, and insight into "hypomania", which you can find on "the google". Plus a "trailer" for the upcoming stuff. Thanks for being loyal!

FADE OUT!

X-MAS X 2?

We should do Christmas more often. I'm not one for out of season, pre-Christmas sales, I still don't understand where it became "law" to announce all the deals and start decorating on Thanksgiving, but to those who enjoy it, fine. And by every New Year's, I'm quite over Christmas, "out with the old, in with the new", we need to move on.

But as for Christmas eve, and the day itself, I'm all for it. People slow down and think, for once. They take inventory of what's important or special. Many reach out and do kind acts. Volunteers across the country feed the homeless, donate gifts and goods to needy children.

I'm all for Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan -- anything in the season with people celebrating, making a sacrifice, reflecting on things -- it's just plain good for the human spirit, and I hope other rites and religions continue to gain exposure as time goes by, it's interesting, and we can always stand to learn from others.

Christmas is film day! That means "Up in the Air" goes nationwide! I've never spent Christmas in the theater, so this will be a first. It's been a long wait, and the film has gotten several nominations and rave reviews. Clooney will definitely be enjoying his Christmas, if he celebrates.

Whatever you celebrate, whatever you do, I wish you a "merry" moment... let's maybe schedule one of these next summer as well?
;-)== "Ho-ho-ho!"

HOW PRESIDENT OBAMA STOLE MY SUGGESTION - PART II

As explained in THIS POST, I wrote a letter asking government officials to consider my ideas concerning a hiring incentive for employers in order to create new jobs.

Keep in mind, I'm non-partisan, I just want the right thing to be done, people need jobs. Nearly 80% of our government's money comes from our taxes, without workers, those numbers are fading.

Local SC congressmen and reps had responded within a month, a reasonable amount of time. Many of the republican reps pointed out that they had supported such a bill, but were shot down earlier this year. "The google" is not helping me find that fact anywhere.

In the end, EVERYONE responded, except for the office of GOP rep Michael Steele, a person who had, in fact, impressed me with his take on us needing to "create jobs, not just work." It's unfortunate that everyone else could respond, yet a "lesser known" type couldn't have an email auto-responder with a form letter.

At the beginning of October, nearly sixty days after my send, The Whitehouse responded. I was shocked, as I had given up hope by then. They sent their obvious form email letter, but I was impressed at how it included links to job resources. This simple act, what was available to every rep who responded, but eluded their thoughts, lent a more caring attitude to the form letter.

Now, the shocker.

A few days after receiving response from President Obama's team, my wife sent a link to this article, just announced, saying how the party was considering a tax incentive based on hiring. Did Obama steal my idea? Impossible, as the concept is not new, they had bounced around talk of lowering the payroll tax in pre-election euphoria.

BUT, imagine, writing on the topic, not hearing for sixty days, and when you do get contacted, a few days later the party is holding court and announcing their grand ideas, specific to your topic?

Maybe it's a coincidence, or maybe their email to me was a small suggestion of a "thanks for writing", or bringing up this subject?

The point I'm making here -- every bit counts, the slightest bit of activism can help change the course. If you, or a friend or family member, has lost a job, are suffering economically from the recession, have gotten a new job but work for way less than you did before, then you should speak up. We're on the front lines here, it makes sense for us to be reporting on it.

Things are NOT changing, the "good old days" are not creeping in without reason, it's not going to happen. Every service and sales business has suffered, along with their employees, largely due to the housing market hoax that made for a blissful part of 2000 that we are all now paying hell for.

Every employer is looking to reduce costs, nobody with common sense would hire without dire need, it's all about strapping down. Unless the gov comes through with a great plan, this situation will hold pattern, for years, maybe even a decade.

Please take a minute of your time and write The Whitehouse like I did. Tell them, from the heart, what you are dealing with, your fears, what you, friends, and family are going through because there isn't a single person unaffected by this situation.

You matter! Thanks!
CLICK HERE TO WRITE TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

HOW PRESIDENT OBAMA STOLE MY SUGGESTION

Dear readers, as explained in previous posts, part of my "job" is that of a political columnist for local papers. Below is a letter that I wrote, in early August of 2009, concerning unemployment, and urging our government to create incentives for employers to hire. This was sent to SC reps, as well as Congress, the Senate, GOP rep Michael Steele -- any email address I could find which seemed applicable -- and finally, to the Whitehouse, to President Barack Obama.

What will follow in further posts is shocking, if not unbelievable, or cynically, all too believable. Giving all parties involved almost five months to act was my gift of the benefit of doubt, now it's time to "out" it. Stay tuned!

Dear (applicable title and name),

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, job losses from April to June of 2009 averaged 436,000 per month. Their website also explains that payroll employment has fallen 6.5 million since December 2007.

The Tax Policy Center (taxpolicycenter.org) shows that in the 2008 fiscal year 45% of the government's revenue came from the individual income tax and an additional 36%was derived from payroll taxes. That is a stunning 81% of our country's revenue at least somewhat related to employment.

The only way to increase revenue is to raise taxes or create more jobs. Unemployment is putting a big dent in the retail sales and housing market. Without expendable cash, and people saving more than ever due to the recession, sales are down. Manufacturers and other business owners are losing their customers, in turn reducing costs by downsizing their work force or closing, creating more job losses. Employers are simply not hiring.

Unemployment also affects contributions into Social Security. I have yet hear hear how the severe job losses will affect this program.

There is currently no government incentive for a business to retain or hire an employee. The employers cover wages, salaries, and their part in the payroll tax as well as any additional benefits offered. With every job loss we are missing government revenue and the possibility to boost retail sales and business growth. Better sales and growth usually creates new jobs.

In pre-election debates there was a mention of the possibility of lowering the payroll tax. It could be one of the best incentives for employers to hire or retain workers. If we were to lower the tax by "x" amount for each employed individual, it would, of course, mean lost revenue for the government during that limited time period. In contrast, if we do nothing, we will continue to miss out on the potential taxes that the unemployed workforce could be supplying.

In our nearby city of Greenville, 12,000 applicants showed up last month for a job fair at the Haywood Mall. There were only 500 positions available.

Doing nothing gives us a surefire loss. A cut in taxes or a new incentive for employers might motivate them to retain or hire, put a few dollars extra into the benefactor's pocket, possibly increasing business sales and profits.

It's our choice. We can sit and do nothing and take the losses, or we can introduce a chance. I ask you to please start a dialogue in Washington concerning a "hiring incentive" program for employers.

Kind regards,
Brian Burke

UPDATE -- 2010 KNOCKS ON THE DOOR!

2010 is coming up fast, time for a new set of screenwriting goals. It's been a productive year -- learning the craft, completing and marketing my first screenplay, my "How to Write a Script / Screenplay" being posted and twittered by several visitors who I am more than grateful for.

I've learned a lot about the industry in a short amount of time, it's been the most productive period of unemployment in my life. Which is just another reason for you to write your own screenplay, when times are slow, staring at the clock does no good.

So, without further delay, here's the 2010 goals --
*"How to Write a Screenplay" series -- reformat, polish, and upload as a PDF, making it easier for visitors to access and use.
*"CLUNKER" -- this is the current script I'm marketing. I set heights very high by wanting to have it in production before 2011. It's a lotto and a crapshoot, wish me luck!
*Second and third scripts -- second is in a rewrite / polish, third is a treatment right now. Both need to be finished before spring, I can do that.
*Nicholl Awards -- I'll be entering at least one screenplay by the deadline, and maybe "Blue Cat" competition as well.
*Move -- we have to get out of this place, for several reasons, most are on the sidebar at right. Possibilities are Charleston, Atlanta, Houston, or L.A.
*Job -- I need one. Should you be interested in hiring, here's what I offer --

*instruction in decorative artistry (faux finishes, murals, special plasters) and how to establish and operate your own small business. In the realm of small business and marketing, I specialize in training people to run their business on a budget directed towards a target audience that wants your product or service.

*web design -- websites, blogs, Facebook, domains, visitor analytics, search engine optimization, graphics, logos, html, flash, animations, video. Whether you need to get your product or service on the internet, or have an existing site that needs more traffic, I can design something that is easy to navigate and loads quick.

*writing -- articles about specific issues or products, proofreading of material, web moderation about any topic mentioned above, notes on your script - screenplay, script development of an idea you have.

As a whole, I'm a very disciplined and dedicated individual who can be passionate and communicative about your project, whatever it may be. I can give you a "flat rate" on anything, meaning you know how much you will be paying, up front.

Now that pitch is over, maybe you're motivated to write your own goals for 2010? Feel free to share in our comments section!

NEXT FLOOR: DOUBT

INT. ELEVATOR - DAY

Crowded, elbow to elbow. "Packed like sardines" becomes a term you can empathize with. A short REDHEADED FEMALE, in a doorman's cap and jacket, pokes a button on the panel -- it lights up.

The slight g-force jerks the box upwards, suddenly the thought of the floor dropping out becomes a welcome idea -- at least you'd be out of this hell-hole of breathy passengers, who are probably transmitting the flu to you at this very moment.

Kill me or set me free -- just get it f'n over!

Our capped guide turns her head -- it's KATHY GRIFFIN. We feel the urge to call her Kathy Griffith, just to watch her flip-out.

KATHY GRIFFIN
Next floor: "Doubt."

WTF? "Doubt" is a floor, you're thinking? Can't wait to see this.
Gravity halts us, the doors WHIRR open, robotically.

We see several SCRIBES of all genders and colors -- a BLACK MAN does a good Eddy Murphy imitation while pitching to a fat, condescending PRODUCER.

BLACK MAN
How was that one?

PRODUCER
Hmm, no, show me something else, something good -- flesh it out, like Eddy Murphy is doing Madea, but she's sexy, not fat, but kind of sounds like Whitney Houston.

BLACK MAN
What the f--

They're interrupted by a writer dressed like William Shakespeare -- no, that's actually WILLIAM F'N SHAKESPEARE!! He goes up to the producer, gets in his face, pretty aggressive for a guy who's so well-respected.

SHAKESPEARE
You, my friend, whilst in the process of judging others, in all thine--

Thank god he's interrupted, because even though you're supposed to love his work, fact is, you just can't stand all that "whilst" and "thine" crap, fess up.

Oh, almost forgot to mention that he's been interrupted by KIM, of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, who is being chased by Ne Ne, both on hooker-heels and doused in that glitter-crap, that only a hooker or cougar would have on.

KIM
(off key)
Tardy-for-the party, oh, uh-uh, ohhh, don't be...

NE NE
C'mere, Ki-yam, I'ma throw you some shade -- and a left hook, ya biy-otch.

Nobody dares step off the elevator's abyss.

KATHY GRIFFIN
Anyone want off? Nobody?? Hey folks, I've been there, it's not that bad, Lindsay Lohan f'n LIVES here -- shop around, check it out!

BRIAN
Umm, what other floors are there?

KATHY GRIFFIN
Lemme see, this is "Doubt", other choices would be "Sacrifice", top floor is "Arrogance", down in the basement we have "Self-Loathing" -- did you know that Courtney Love hangs down there quite a bit?

BRIAN
Got anything good, like "Success"?

KATHY GRIFFIN
Ha!! You're in the wrong place, buddy -- Trump Tower is miles from here, and I wouldn't head down there unless you've got a producer!

BRIAN
(sighs)
Any leads?

KATHY GRIFFIN
I hear Mark Burnett is up on the "Arrogance" floor today.

BRIAN
Seems I have no choice.

Kathy presses the "Arrogance" button, the doors start to close. Brian sticks his hand out, halting the gates.

BRIAN
Shakespeare, get in here, I'll be needing your services!

FADE OUT

STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

I've started Monday with a good laugh, thanks to the blog called "STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE". When I saw the link I didn't know what to imagine, would this be a parody of great things that just white people like? Sort of. My take is that it's things that you're "supposed" to like if you're white, to be hip, because the things on the list are so unique. But if you're on the real inside loop, you'll know that liking the things in this list do not make you unique at all, especially if you're white.

For script writing, it's a great resource to create a character, an especially white one. Need a hip main character who goes to college, discovering himself along the way, doing cool things? Just pull up the trusty list and you'll soon find that your protagonist should:

#1 love coffee.
#14 have a black friend
#47 pursue an arts degree
#52 be "into" Sarah Silverman
and #82 have a hate for any given corporation, say "Wal-Mart", for example.

They should also be a fan of some sort of #2 religion they have no comprehension of, but can toss a few keywords around.

Instant character, and maybe that's what the list is about.

Oh sure, I'm a big fan of many things on the list, don't get me wrong. The good part is clicking on that link to find out how it is okay for me to like that particular subject without being pretentious about it. I don't have to wave it on a banner or throw it in anyone's face. I understand that saying I love #34 architecture will only make me a snob if I continually insert I.M. Pei into the conversation.

Lovely Wife and I are #32 vegetarians, but we're fairly secretive about it, we don't throw it in anyone's face. Your average white vegan friend will, however, give you a dissertation on how meat rots in your colon (a Canadian student, who was white, did this to me once). Hey, everything rots in your colon, even veggies, join the club!

We love #24 wine, but don't claim to know many types, let alone certain regions. But your white fake wine snob expects you to. When they ask you what your favorite wine is, the author advises to just make up the name of a wine, followed by a country, and tell them it's a very rare find. They'll be impressed.

My favorite, for the moment, has to be #89 Saint Patrick's Day. It's what I call a "hoosier holiday", and ties in a race with #113 Halloween. To enlighten, in the midwest, a hoosier is sort of like an uncultured type who rarely mows his lawn, but goes to great lengths to cover the house with spiderwebs and lights on Halloween. That's the one, all dressed in green, chugging down Budweiser at your local St. Patty's parade.

It seems everyone except the Irish celebrate this day in the fashion that we have come to know it here, kind of like Cinco de Mayo, which should be added to the list. All of the sudden everyone wants to be Irish, much like young white men #107 make self aware hip hop references, or are #20 an expert on YOUR own culture.

I hate St. Patrick's Day because I'm redheaded and half Scottish, but everyone assumes Brian the pale redhead must be Irish. They assume all redheads are Irish, when in fact the pict gene, the red DNA, comes from Scotland. They assume that it's cool to claim they come from the tribe that was once banned from employment under the NINA (no Irish need apply) laws. They probably think the potato famine refers to a shortage of french fries at McDonald's.

And they fake liking Guinness, c'mon, it tastes like cigarettes put out in stale Pabst Blue Ribbon.

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TAKING DIRECTIONS

Everyone knows the, what now has become cliche, sort of inside joke about men refusing to ask for directions while driving, especially if there is a female in the vehicle.

It doesn't matter if the car is running on fumes and we've seen the same exit and convenience store sign for the umpteenth time, it's doubtful that we'll give in and stop at the 7-11 to ask for directions.

People, or more specifically women, tend to believe what seems to be the obvious: that by asking for directions out of BFE, we will be forced to swallow our pride, a symbolical way of throwing in the towel, giving up, losing, biting the big one.

Guess what? It's not that at all. The problem is interpreting instructions. We're dying to stop and ask for directions, believe me, but we know that 99.9% of the time, the person standing behind that counter isn't qualified to give such advice. When we come out of there and get back into the vehicle we won't have any better ideas than before.

And therein lies the problem: it looks like we can't understand directions, that we fail to communicate. How couldn't we understand what was just parlayed? How dare we question the advice of a local cashier or gas station attendant? Aren't we capable of being told what to do and then following through?

No, and it's embarrassing, and completely not our fault.

Here's why:

INT. SEVEN-ELEVEN - DAY

Brian walks out of the "middle of nowhere" through the door, passing the black and white sticker on the frame. It marks the height of perps for the store security cam.

BRIAN (V.O.)
Geez that always gives me the chills!

A GOOD OLD BOY is behind the counter, conversing with GOOD BUDDY, who just purchased gas.

GOOD OLD BOY
(frustrated)
A twelve point buck, and she won't let me hang it over the bed!

GOOD BUDDY
(irritating laugh)
Hee, hee.. hee hee hee..

Brian goes to display rack, feigns as if he is looking for a bag of chips.

MOMENTS LATER:
Good Buddy exits, Good Old Boy watches Brian.

GOOD OLD BOY
Sir? Can I help you find something?

Brian turns, approaches the counter.

BRIAN
(hoping)
Yes actually, I was wondering if you could tell me how to get to Atlanta from here.

GOOD OLD BOY
(delighted to share)
Oh, sure thing: pull out here and take a right at the intersection, not the first, but the one after, that will put you on sixty-two.

BRIAN
(unsure)
Okay, a right.

GOOD OLD BOY
Follow that until you get to Quagmire, you'll see the courthouse there, then take a left on ninety-five.

Brian nods, as if he is following this.

GOOD OLD BOY
(speaking quickly now)
Off ninety-five, go to forty-two, or Bellows Creek Road, same name, then up to sixty-five, if you miss that there's an exit two miles up, at eighteen, but that's taking the backroads. Got it?

BRIAN
(lost in space)
I think so, thank you very much!

Brian walks out of the store, hides on the side of the building, smokes a cig, shakes his head.

He spies a billboard: "Atlanta Outlet Mall", reads the bottom : "twenty miles ahead".

BRIAN
(to himself)
Worth a shot.

INT. VAN - DAY
Brian gets in, turns the ignition.

LOVELY WIFE
All set?

BRIAN
Yep. Say, want to check out an outlet mall along the way?

LOVELY WIFE
(intrigued)
Hmm, always could do some shopping!

FADE OUT

WORDS ARE YOUR TEMPLE

I've been on the prowl lately, digging through blogs and online articles, in search of my next influential character in the screenwriting profession, someone who can offer a piece of inspirational advice, give an unknown tip, a clue, or at least lead by example in what I consider to be, or should be, one of the highest regarded professions: working with words.

I navigated a labyrinth of URL's, swam a sea of scripts, and "Googled" until I considered "Binging" it (but trust me, I won't go that low), and came upon a great big nothing, an abyss, a black hole, a void. Oh sure, there were plenty of "posts", but you really couldn't classify them as articles. Reading about how much someone drank on the weekend or who they slept with might be juicy, but that's not an article in the sense of information. But maybe what I deem to be an article is totally different from the real definition, which I won't go into because I just looked it up and it's disappointing to me: articles do not have to contain information.

Nevertheless, my search was disappointing. Oh sure, I read through a lot of JOHNAUGUST.COM, sucked in a lot of Rossio's WORDPLAY.COM, but these are my standard professional screenwriters. I was looking for that undiscovered great scribe, the incognito Shakespeare, a diamond in the rough. Someone who put a lot of thought and content into their blog, not simply linking other good columns or scripts, or "Youtube". Come on, bloggers, if your post is a "Youtube" link then at least make sure it is something we can learn from or laugh at, not a bathroom full of partygoers shotgunning canned beers (yes, that was someone's blog post of their own weekend party).

Perhaps I just don't get it. Maybe a blog is meant to be a living journal, spewing with the "f-word" and typical hijinks of a "9 to 5er", who wants to use this technology to break out of their shell in the only way they see capable. Maybe expecting true web content from writers is setting the bar too high, and we instead should feel privileged to see deep inside their souls through their posts, many of which only occur monthly or weekly.

My background is decorative artistry: it's visual, all about composition, color, and value. There aren't any words involved, and I believe that people, especially Americans, love that fact. We are very attracted to symbolism and interpretation. With one look at a piece of art we become the judge, the official; whether or not we are artists, we quickly come to our own conclusion of whether something is "good art", and many of us are not afraid to voice it.

But with writing, I think that we are a bit too liberal. We're not as quick to criticize words as much as visual art; instead, we are more likely to empathize with a scribe spilling out the contents of their emotional sarcophagus, looming with skeletons and clunky chains. Some of the stuff I run onto out there is just downright creepy.

We know the saying that the "body is our temple". I'm sure there are plenty of idioms concerning words as well, but I'm done "Googling" for today. For the moment I want to visualize words as if they were a temple, as when I strolled "FORUM ROMANUM" with my Lovely Wife. Where, although a ruins, every cobblestone, column, and lintel was set with meaning, with a purpose. That place gives you pride about being a human being, it's the birthplace of democracy, set by ideas, words, and actions.

I'm the first to admit that I cannot "ace" a grammar test. I would be the last person to place first at a spelling bee. Talk "participle" anything and I am as lost as a hayseed visiting New York. But I'm trying to add content, I work hard at satisfying readers, I want to give you a reason to come here and then to come back, again and again. I have a thirst to learn, a hope to inspire, a will to succeed in these funny black "Courier" shapes over a white background. Join me in this cause to grow plants, not weeds, to build your own temple, not a shack. Feed me, scribes!

Columnist and Pulitzer Prize winning journalist WILLIAM SAFIRE died the other day. I didn't know much about the man except that he was considered a talented writer, and that he was a friend of our Aunt Sherry, who he would exchange letters with. Imagine writing him, and that was before spell check; had to be somewhat intimidating.

Safire was "old school", a presidential speech writer, a Syracuse dropout but you'd never know it from his writings. Now that's cool: a dropout who ends up writing Nixon speeches, only to be wiretapped by the same president in the "concern of national security". A writer who often duked it out on "Meet the Press". Someone who worked hard at delivering his words in the right placement and form. As put by one of his colleagues, "Whether you agreed with him or not was never the point, his writing is delightful, informed and engaging."

Build your own shrine, temple, or forum! Link your best post here, I don't care how old it is, put up a link to a worthy article, talk amongst yourselves, criticize, compliment, just do something!

TO THE DOGS

EXT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

Caesar the Dog paces the porch, ready for another mass dogwalk. Brian types away on the Dell, wearing flanneled jammies in a plaid print. The yard is freshly mowed and soaked, compliments of a southeastern storm.

BRIAN
Not today, Caesar, sorry.

BRIAN (V.O.)
Lot of flooding in the southeast this week. I heard they are thinking about renaming "Atlanta" to "Atlantis".
(beat)
Yesterday we took Caesar to the big city on a charity dogwalk for cancer. One of the sponsors said there were approximately four-hundred registrations, so it was a pretty nice turnout, good for them. Here are some of the excerpts:

EXT. EVENT PARKING LOT - DAY

Brian, Lovely Wife, and Caesar pull into the lot in their van. Dogs of all shapes and sizes frolic at the end of their leashes, on the way to the registration booth. Caesar comes out of the sliding door, pretty fired up, Brian on the end of the tether, holding him back with all might.

BRIAN
Caesar, settle down, you're going to need to settle down!

CAESAR (V.O.)
Damn I gotta pee!

LOVELY WIFE
(to Brian)
Think he needs to pee?

BRIAN
No, he's just whacking out with all these dogs around.

CAESAR (V.O.)
I'm gonna 'splode if I don't pee!!

LOVELY WIFE
Why don't we just take him to the grass?

BRIAN
Okay, but I doubt..

MOMENTS LATER:

Caesar is peeing non-stop in the grass.

CUT TO:

EXT. EVENT PARKING LOT - DAY

Lovely Wife is at the registration booth, signing up. Brian stands with Caesar as a myriad of dog shapes, colors, and sizes pass by.

BRIAN
Sit, buddy.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Dad, you're embarrassing me. Let me sniff some of these dogs. Man, I never get out.

A SHITZU walks by, Caesar eyes her up, moving forward.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Hey baby, come here often?

Brian pulls back on his leash.

BRIAN
Caesar, get back.

The Shitzu passes with her owner, snubbing Caesar.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Man, you're cock-blocking me!

MOMENTS LATER:

EXT. WALK TRAIL - DAY

All the dogs march with their owners in a one-mile event. The mass of participants are coming down the hill as Brian, Lovely Wife, and Caesar come out of the turnaround mark, heading uphill.

Three sleek greyhounds pass by.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Hey ladies, how we doing this morning, wanna meet for a smell at the finish?

They ignore him. A proud doberman marches behind.

DOBERMAN (V.O.)
(to Caesar)
Don't even think of it, man, I'm on that.

CAESAR (V.O.)
(to himself)
Dammit!

The group scurry to the:

EXT. EVENT PARKING LOT - DAY

A competition is taking place: biggest dog, smallest dog, best trick. Our trio stands in the audience among other pack leaders. A female terrier and beagle MIX, about Caesar's height, takes position nearby. Caesar is cleaning his front paw, having given up on any chance at hooking up.

MIX (V.O.)
(dainty voice)
Hello!

CAESAR (V.O.)
Huh?

MIX (V.O.)
Hey red.

CAESAR (V.O.)
You talking to me, or the retriever?

MIX (V.O.)
You come here often?

Caesar approaches her slowly, they smile, smelling noses.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Maybe once a month, cutie, we live in the sticks..mmmh, you smell good.

MIX (V.O.)
Thanks, I've got on hair conditioner.

CAESAR (V.O.)
This is heaven, want to?

MIX (V.O.)
I can't wait.

They're smelling each other, yes, that way, as dogs do. Brian pretends not to notice, as does the other owner.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Oh baby!

MOMENTS LATER:

Brian tugs Caesar along on the leash, they leave.

CAESAR (V.O.)
(to Mix)
Next year?

MIX (V.O.)
Sure thing, call me!

CUT TO:

INT. PETS MART - DAY

Brian and Lovely Wife wait in the checkout line behind a LADY with a POODLE who eyes up Caesar.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Hey baby, wanna..?

BRIAN
(to Caesar)
Sit, enough now, sit.

CAESAR (V.O.)
(to Brian)
Just don't get it, do ya dad?

FADE OUT

It was a nice day, we saw an amazing variety of dogs. Canines are a big responsibility, it takes a lot of effort to be a "good parent", but it's worth it. Even if you can't take on having a pet of your own, please consider going to a local shelter to play with a dog for a bit, you'll make their day.

Please check out THIS LINK if you want to find a local location which serves "man's best friend".

NEWS FLASH

News flash: not really, what that means is I have about five inches of crabgrass covering one and a half acres, and I'm hoping the riding mower doesn't have a flat this time. I also have a list of chores, must attend "grocery shopping night", and then have to get up early to take Caesar the Dog on a charity benefit dogwalk with the Lovely Wife.

Fridays aren't much for scripting. This will auto upload on Saturday.

However, if you notice the box on the right, I've written seventy-seven pages of a new script in less than a week, all quality stuff. Yes, it's possible. And, there has already been some rewriting and polishing going on. My only problem is that this one will turn out to be about one-hundred-fifty pages, so I know I have to go back and do some chopping, cut a scene or two. Good problem to have.

I'd share some of the script but my mentors advise against it; in fact, some scribes openly state that they have no problem stealing ideas. I guess they need to, have fun with that if you're creatively inept and inclined to do so.

In "What Else Happened This Week?", I put Maus the Cat back on wet food, Caesar the Dog tore our bedspread again, and our neighbor has been surreptitiously moving out. Was it something we said?

Wishing you all a good weekend---Brian

FULL CIRCLE DOUGHNUT

INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

Caesar the Dog has a round loop of rawhide in his mouth, a section chewed out, representing the letter "C". It's known as the "doughnut". Chewing voraciously, he steps just within Brian's reach, tempting him to take the bait.

BRIAN
You giving me that doughnut, Caesar? Good boy!

BRIAN (V.O.)
Nothing like a doughnut in the morning, a leather one at that.
(beat)
Several months ago, we bought a little rawhide pack full of different shapes and sizes. There was this small ring in there, and that was Caesar's favorite: the doughnut. It was neat to see him so thrilled over such a simple thing. It's really just another piece of rawhide but the shape is very unique. In no time he figured out how to remove the tab that binds both ends; he could have the doughnut ripped apart in one hour.

We pick these up on our Friday night grocery trip. Yes, we shop on Friday night, because we're married and like going into the weekend with a full "frig". Plus, there's not a lot else to do in this town except eat and go to the occasional movie.

We started a ritual with Caesar, telling him to "be good" while we're gone and we'll bring him a doughnut. He clearly understands, going to his kennel and waiting. When we get back he's really excited, sitting perfectly in front of my Lovely Wife so she can unpack the doughnut and hand it over. It's his thrill of the week.

On one grocery run we were disappointed to see that they were out of the doughnuts. I searched through several packs and found one inside, but it was a very small version, a mini-doughnut if you will. Unveiled at home, Caesar could have cared less, it was round and made of rawhide, all the same to him, he ran off with it in his mouth, ecstatic as ever.

Lately, we've been able to get the full-sized version again. He's changed his habit: instead of tearing it up in one hour he stretches it over a week. Just when you think it is gone he appears with a half-chewed shape from his secret hiding place, like he did this morning.

In relation to screenwriting, our scripts are like the doughnut. Sometimes we spill out a scene as fast as Caesar eats one. Other times, we play with it a bit, then pull it out later, getting enthused again. And like the dog, we have some hidden, unfinished pieces laying around that only need a few more bites to complete. We ought to try to finish the leftovers, coming full circle, otherwise they might end up in a box, in the trash, like several of Caesar's small, unfinished tidbits of leather.

Good luck in your writing.

BREAKING NEWS

Years ago, I was hanging out with my two cats on a Saturday afternoon, in between jobs, watching PBS. An interesting, robust character, DR. WEIL, spoke in a segment about different ways to improve your life. One of his suggestions was to take a "news break" for one week, avoiding your regular routine of reading the paper and watching the TV (this must have been around 1995, because I wasn't online yet).

Back then I would get up at 5:30 AM everyday, not because I had to, but because someone kept stealing my morning newspaper and I had to beat them to it. That whole drama is a story in itself.

My forced news break gave me a reason to sleep in, almost hoping someone would steal my newspaper. But, low and behold, no matter how long I slept, when I awoke and peered through the blinds, that fresh roll of newsprint was on the lawn, calling out to me.

It was hard at first, passing on the morning headlines, skipping my horoscope, not being able to see who wrote to "Dear Abby", but I kept my promise to myself and kept stacking the papers on the back porch. When watching TV, if a news program came on then I immediately changed the channel. That was a bit harder because of the news teasers in between shows, it was like the local affiliates knew of my self-imposed plan and were out to foil it. I'd be in the middle of a "HOME IMPROVEMENT" rerun and local weatherman "Dave Murray" would slip in to warn us of an impending tornado. That really put me on the fence because it was news that had to do with my safety. I held out until the town sirens blasted and then dashed for the basement.

The best thing about my news break was missing out on politics. It made me realize that we don't have any power or interest in politics unless we get involved. Simply reading the newspaper does not mean you're involved in politics, it just means your reading about the people involved. It can make you feel pretty bad, always reading about something that concerns you but you have no power to influence or change.

After one week I felt better, my head in the clouds about current events (like most people), and there is something great about being naive to things. My life was no longer a routine of the morning paper and evening news, I could come and go as I pleased.

I went back to reading the paper, but with a new attitude. I learned that I needed to accept the things in the news that I cannot change, which is most of it. I also learned that if I don't care if someone steals my newspaper, then they won't take it.

Just this Saturday, someone stole our newspaper. Lovely Wife believes it wasn't delivered but I'm sure it was stolen, I know this game. So it's back to my old routine of getting up at 5:30 AM to nail the perp.

That tells me it's just about time for another "news break".

"REALITY" TV

You can tell a lot about a person by looking at their DVR menu. When you view the listings that me and my Lovely Wife share, you can figure out that we: would love to move out of country again (INTERNATIONAL HOUSE HUNTERS), enjoy viewing nice homes (FLIPPING OUT), keep up with style and fashion (RACHEL ZOE, WHAT NOT TO WEAR), own a dog (THE DOG WHISPERER), like celebrity spoofs (THE DISH, THE SOUP), and love the making of music (DIDDY in MAKING HIS BAND). Staples, when in season, are THE HILLS and THE CITY, because they employ all of the above, except pets, unless you want to count when LC and Lo got a dog, Lo dissing Audrina in the process. And as far as moving out of the country again, watch enough episodes of the aforementioned and you will soon be considering that action as well.

You won't find sports events on the list except for MOTO GP, that's my recording of super-fast international level motorcycle racing. And, you won't find anything like THE BACHELOR or MORE TO LOVE, but you will however see ROCK OF LOVE if they go for that again; it's a train wreck that has to be watched, shout out to Bret Michaels, lol!

Reality shows make up a big part of the list. Last night we watched GUILIANA AND BILL, the married couple comprised of E-NEWS hostess, DePandi, and the former Trump Apprentice, Rancic.

What does this all have to do with scripting? Everything. Okay, figuring out that "reality" shows are scripted was like finding out that Santa didn't exist, but it doesn't ruin Christmas, you can still enjoy the guilty pleasure.

Guiliana and Bill runs thirty minutes, so there's no slack time there, they keep it moving. Set in Chicago as well as LA, you get the best of both worlds, although I haven't once heard Guiliana whine about the freezing cold of the windy city, which is colder than Moscow for 80% of the year, and that is freaking cold. If you live there, sorry for my comments, but you're in cryogenic denial about the weather, a serious one.

We get to see where they live, what they do, where they're going; I guess that is what reality TV is about, but they keep it rolling and it's funny and not overly staged. Last night I figured out that they're using a "Lucy and Ricky" concept: Bill is the level head, he plays along with Guiliana's shenanigans, accepting her naivete' about things. Guiliana is Lucy, attempting to cook, or thinking that she's good at dancing, or assisting Bill on one of his renovation projects.

The program is funny, sweet, it shows how much fun it is to be married if you make the right choices and work at things, and we love that. Its fast pace keeps you focused on the plot and sharp dialogue. The backstory of either is no secret and is part of the foundation of the series.

I'd rate it PG-13 since sometimes Guiliana will let something slip that will drop your jaw. But in the end we know that's scripted, and for those who don't, I'm sure they'll be hitting the message boards with critical commentary but will keep tuning in, and that's the key to the business: viewers and ratings.

So good luck to the couple, we'd like to see more if they can keep the pace. And if not, there's always another series of those crazy "housewife" shows, the next being set in Dallas, Texas. Saddle up, someone's going to get branded.

MAUREEN DOWD COPIED ME!!!

Yesterday, Lovely Wife sent me a few links, as she usually does, for my reading pleasure. It's usually the latest controversy worth reading, something about the economy, a message from PETA to join a campaign concerning animal rights (please do consider this, friends).

Her link was to the commentary page of MAUREEN DOWD, the New York Times columnist and Pulitzer Prize winner. I enjoy her articles because they're usually funny in some sort of aspect, they're current, and as Lovely Wife put it, "because she usually agrees with me". It's nice to have someone on your team. Plus, she looks good, she could pass as Lovely Wife's (much) older sister.

Maureen's article, posted on September 13, 2009, had to do with the September 9 outburst of South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson, the "You lie!!" scandal.

CLICK HERE FOR "HER" STORY.

Dowd's article was of particular interest to me because I wrote a story concerning the same subject matter, and posted it on this blog, on September 10, 2009, hereby known as "the day after you lie!!".

CLICK HERE FOR MY STORY, THE ONE SHE COPIED FROM!!

I was pretty enthused to see that Dowd was writing on the same subject, but what "bloggist" or columnist didn't write about Wilson this week? It's no great coincidence.

As I read on, my jaw started to drop. There were striking similarities between both of our stories, and mine had been posted three days before hers. Dare I believe that Maureen Dowd lifted from, let alone read, my blog?

In this day and age of the internet, such an idea is not entirely out of line. If it's online, chances are, anyone can read it if posted with public access. And I did design the story and page with words and links that would rank it appropriately on "the Google" for anyone searching for those terms.

Plus the fact is that columnists have a large literal web of friends that Tweet and email and talk and forward all the time, it's how they keep on top of things. So, if she didn't find it herself it could have been forwarded. I have software installed on this site that tells me the general location of where hits are coming from, search terms used, etc., and people have been "tweeting" this blog around. They've come in on the search terms I've defined and I have had an excess amount of "visitors" from the northeast this week. And yes, around the D.C. area.

One thing I hate to mention, but supports my case, is that Maureen Dowd was involved in a plagiarism controversy, accused of "lifting" from someone else's blog. All forty-something words were an exact copy of this other man's posting, sans two words. Dowd said her post was the result of an online communication with a friend, not a copy. She did, however, later edit her post with a correction that references the individual and notes "lack of proper attribution" to the original piece.

Made me wonder, alright.

Now, onto a comparison of our stories, both sparked by Joe Wilson.

Brian's post: summarizes that a lot of South Carolina legislators have done some awfully stupid things in the past, much of that racially motivated, and how citizens should speak up and fight this.

Maureen's post: takes more of South Carolina's racial angle than I profiled and is more direct, pointing out Wilson as a probable racist.

Anyone writing a story, concerning the same general subject, is going to use similar sources like "the Google", information gathered through T.V., friends, OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOGS?? Okay, okay, not jumping to conclusions here, let's dissect some vocab from the two pieces (meaning the one I wrote and what she copied!).

Concerning Joe Wilson's act:

BRIAN
"a disrespect to the position of the presidency of the United States and an embarrassment to most of us, especially to certain citizens of South Carolina"

MAUREEN
"Wilson’s shocking disrespect for the office of the president"

Okay, a "disrespect for the office", not like I can copyright that, it is what it is..

BRIAN
"There's an old german proverb that says "Schweigen ist zustimmen", meaning "silence is approval". If you don't approve, please don't be silent."

MAUREEN (QUOTING REP. JIM CLYBURG)
"In South Carolina politics, I learned that the olive branch works very seldom," he said. "You have to come at these things from a position of strength. My father used to say, Son, always remember that silence gives consent."

WHAT?? It made my eyes jump out of my head, but apparently this is a quote from South Carolina Rep. JIM CLYBURN. Maybe he reads my blog? Well, it's a saying, and I can't much copyright that either. What are the chances that it showed up in similar stories? That's what I'm wondering...

BRIAN
"the state was a heavy sponsor of slavery, initiated secession from the Union, and was the first to fire on fellow americans during the Civil War."

MAUREEN
"The state that fired the first shot of the Civil War has now given us this"

Uh-huh, you can see why I'm questioning if this is a mere coincidence. Who references S.C., ever, by saying it's the first state to fire in the Civil War? Well, me, and Maureen Dowd of course, nobody else...

BRIAN
"There has been long ongoing debate and demonstration concerning the flying of the confederate flag over the state capitol. Finally, in 2000, it was removed"

MAUREEN
"led a 2000 campaign to keep the Confederate flag waving above South Carolina’s state Capitol"

Oh really, Maureen? You're switching it up by capitalizing the word "confederate"? Okay, maybe that's technically correct, couldn't bring myself to do it though... year 2000, eh?

BRIAN
"activist RUSTY DEPASS posted on his Facebook page that an escaped gorilla at a zoo was an "ancestor" of First Lady Michelle Obama."

MAUREEN
"Rusty DePass, a G.O.P. activist, said that a gorilla that escaped from a zoo was "just one of Michelle’s ancestors."

Hmmm... sure, it's a current, stupid, recent event from another S.C. idiot, worth referencing, and I did. She did too...

And then we both mention fumbling South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, of course, No S.C. story would be complete without that, so I accept that as part of the deal.
So, do I have a plagiarism case here? Are the similarities purely coincidental? Add it up:

*I posted my story almost three days before hers.
*Her story uses key elements of mine.
*I have a log showing visits to my blog from her area.
*She acknowledged copying from a blog before.
*We both write blogs.
*Neither of us like racists.
*Maureen has a similar hair color to my wife's.
*She is a U.S. citizen, as am I.
*We're for the banning of cell phone use while driving.

Okay, maybe I don't have a case here, maybe I do. Since it's someone I like, I'm not pursuing it. If she did lift from me or gain any concept from my story I would like to be credited. And I would also like to be taken out to dinner, and I want to bring my Lovely Wife.

So those are my demands, Maureen. That, and you can lift more from this blog and post it several days later... like we all know you did!

THE NAME GAME, PT. II

INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

Maus, Cat #2, sits on the wicker furniture, eyeing a bird at the tubular feeder. If not for the screen, in between, she'd be looking at breakfast.

BRIAN (V.O.)
Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, "Zillary Twill", the interior designer, had called and left a message on that freezing, midwestern, December day, 1996. Haven't even "googled" her yet.

Brian pulls up "the Google", punching in "Zillary Twill". His own blog posting comes up at the top of the list.

BRIAN (V.O.)
Top ranking, geez, that was easy!
(beat)
Back to the name game, and Zillary: well, it's not such a good idea to leave a message to a painter saying you need immediate assistance, right around Christmas, when St. Louis is a frozen tundra, and most any normal service business, besides a heating and cooling company, won't dare leave the house. Unless they're going on a beer run, that is.

And then in her tone, topping it off by saying, very loud and clearly, that her name was Zillary Twill. That had "complicated" written all over it! I could just picture it: me, with the ladder, juggling a few buckets of paint, precariously skating on the ice-laden sidewalk, followed by Zillary Twill, the pretentious interior designer, barking out orders.

In fact, it sounded more like a pen name for a writer, reminded me of "quill", the feathered pen. Now if it had been Jane Austen, Charles Dickens.. an Edgar Allen Poe, I might've risked bolting out in the van just to get a glimpse of this phenomenon. But Zillary Twill? Nah. I think I reacted by cracking open a Budweiser for another round of "Sim City" on my newly purchased, 1996 Packard Bell computer. Haven't heard of her since.

I recently started using a pen name. The decision to do so was multi-faceted: it's anonymity and security; shorter, and maybe more memorable to pronounce, than my tax-paying name; and it's my own sort of indoctrination into the screenwriting industry.

BRIAN
(out loud)
Brian Burke

BRIAN (V.O.)
Yep, short, simple, no bells or whistles. It uses my real first name, and three letters from my true surname. People like the "k" sound, it's been proven: Coca Cola, Spanxxx, Ronco, SHANE BLACK, the screenwriter who holds the record sale for a spec script, individually. DUSTIN LANCE BLACK, who won best original screenplay for "MILK".. see, there's that "k" sound again. We love it.

"Brian Black" just didn't sound real, too copycat-ish, like Bing's commercials, where Rachel Zoe gets on the laptop and says, "let's Bing it". Nope, Bing, we like saying "Google", it's funny like "noodle", funnier than "Yahoo", who ended up teaming with Microsoft to "Bing" it. "Forget" it, which would be better name for a search engine than "Bing". Did you "Forget it"? Get it?

Yep, so I've got my new pen name, and I'm not afraid to use it. Oops, forgot to "Google" it first, big mistake.

Okay, apparently there's a Brian Burke out there, an outspoken hockey president, former player. That's fine, just wanted to be sure he's not a mass-murderer or what. Those hockey guys though, some tough nuts, wow.

Okay, wish me luck with the pen name, more luck than Zillary Twill had on that cold December day!

SWING LOW, SOUTH CAROLINA

Dear Guests,
Please excuse me as I stray away from the subject of screenwriting and film, just for this one post. Part of my "job" is as a columnist in South Carolina, and I feel the need to address a few things. Thanks!

Unless you live in a world void of news, you are quite aware that South Carolina REPRESENTATIVE JOE WILSON interrupted President Obama's speech on the healthcare initiative, by yelling out "You lie!", in reference to Obama explaining that illegal immigrants would not be covered in the plan.

CLICK HERE for the video.

It was a deplorable act, played out in front of millions of viewers; a disrespect to the position of the presidency of the United States and an embarrassment to most of us, especially to certain citizens of South Carolina, such as myself.

This just adds salt to our wounds, considering the ongoing saga of South Carolina's GOVERNOR MARK SANFORD, who, in a series of events, committed adultery, lied about his whereabouts, left our government watch unattended, and is currently under investigation for misuse of state funds and travel privileges.

The fact that both of these individuals are members of the G.O.P. has nothing to do with the level of embarrassment they have brought upon the state; their acts were inhumane, regardless of party.

South Carolina bears a colorful history of shameful associations: the state was a heavy sponsor of slavery, initiated secession from the Union, and was the first to fire on fellow americans during the Civil War.

The state capitol, Columbia, was burned to the ground during General Sherman's March, and to this day has never fully recovered. The town gained recent attention when resident and G.O.P. activist RUSTY DEPASS posted on his Facebook page that an escaped gorilla at a zoo was an "ancestor" of First Lady Michelle Obama.

There has been long ongoing debate and demonstration concerning the flying of the confederate flag over the state capitol. Finally, in 2000, it was removed, but not without dispicable commentary from former SENATOR ARTHUR RAVENEL JR., who referred to the N.A.A.C.P. as "the National Association of Retarded People". He then, inappropriately, apologized only "to retarded people for associating them with the N.A.A.C.P." Ravenel once said that his fellow white congressional committee members operated on "black time", which he characterized as meaning "fashionably late". The cable bridge in Charleston is still named in his honor.

And who can forget former South Carolina governor and senator STROM THURMOND, who conducted the longest filibuster ever by a U.S. Senator, in opposition to the Civil Rights Act of 1957, at 24 hours and 18 minutes in length, nonstop.

I'm a transplant who moved here over one year ago with my wife. Up until then I had spent fourteen years in St. Louis, Missouri, and prior to that I lived in Germany for eight years. I have tread the land where the Third Reich ruled, I've stood where the slave Dred Scott fought for his right to be a free man, in the Old Courthouse of St. Louis, and now I sit a mere two hours from the capitol where some of our supposed "representatives" convene, under a dome that flew the "southern cross" for over a century.

If you've never been to South Carolina you would be pleasantly surprised that it's not any more controversial or racist than any other state. Black and white, along with our ever growing hispanic population, mingle freely. Of all the service people I have dealt with, in my trials of renovating a house, I have never once heard a racial slur. That was not the case in Missouri, at all.

Poverty and unemployment are horrible here, just like anywhere else in the United States right now. Domestic abuse is unfortunately high on the list. Crime is like anywhere else: watch your back, lock your doors. Education could use improvement, again, that's across the board in America.

A neighbor and friend, let's call him Jim, is a native South Carolinian. He speaks with a twang, which he readily jokes about. Long-haired and lanky, we always exchange waves as he passes on his daily walk with two hound dogs.

He is a high school educator in the impoverished town about thirty minutes from here. John is white, all his students are African American. He reads the New York Times everyday. He spent many weekends volunteering his time at a state school where his son attended.

There are a lot of South Carolinians like John, like you and me, and we often band together in voice or print, fighting the good fight. Rest assured, for every legislator from South Carolina who chooses to disgrace us, there are at least ten of us fighting against them.

You can support our cause by standing up for what is right, no matter what state you live in. Contact your representatives, it's easy in this internet era. Let them know what you think is inappropriate, tell them how you would like things changed, give the do-gooders a vote of support.

There's an old german proverb that says "Schweigen ist zustimmen", meaning "silence is approval". If you don't approve, please don't be silent. Thank you.

Comments more than welcome.

ITALIAN RUSH HOUR, PT. V

EXT. POMPEII NECROPOLIS - DAY

Brian moves down the hill, using tombs for cover. He takes a trail, walks up a ramp, then enters the:

INT. VILLA OF MYSTERIES - DAY

It's cool and dimly lit, with beautifully restored black and red frescoes of large figures. A FEMALE TOURIST takes pictures of the walls using a bright flash.

BRIAN
(out loud)
Lovely Wife?

FEMALE TOURIST
--??

BRIAN
(to tourist)
Oh, sorry, I'm calling out for my wife and I don't use her real name in my scripts, that's her character name.

FEMALE TOURIST
That's sweet.

LOVELY WIFE
(whispers loud)
Brian!

BRIAN
Where are you?

Lovely Wife pokes her head out around the corner.

LOVELY WIFE
All clear?

Brian walks up to her, they embrace, share a quick kiss.

BRIAN
We lost them for now. The guards are somehow involved in counterfeiting. We should get a move on..

Just then a male figure appears, blocking the exit.. then two, then a group, all dressed in suits. It's DETECTIVE ROSSI and INTERPOL.

ROSSI
Mr. Bullard?

BRIAN
Call me Brian.

ROSSI
I'm Detective Rossi with Interpol, we have some questions for you.

BRIAN
Any relation to Valentino Rossi, the motorcycle racing champ?

ROSSI
Could be, I'll tell you later.

INT. INTERPOL HQ. - NIGHT

Brian and Lovely Wife sit with Detective Rossi, sharing pizza in an interrogation room.

ROSSI
..from what we have gathered, the Fratelli ring was printing counterfeit Euros and passing them off to tourists..

BRIAN
In the main train station?

ROSSI
As well as through attendants of popular tourist sites like Pompeii, Herculaneum..

LOVELY WIFE
Wow, what a scam!

ROSSI
(chewing pizza)
Indeed, we were rather fortunate that you two came to visit, coincidentally busting the ring.

BRIAN
The pleasure is ours, might make a good script. Now what was that about Valentino Rossi?

Detective Rossi opens his coat pocket and pulls out two tickets: pit passes to next weekend's Moto GP races in Mugello. Brian's eyes light up as Rossi hands them over.

ROSSI
And they're real, not counterfeit!

The trio laughs as we cut to:

EXT. MUGELLO GRAN PRIX RACETRACK - DAY

Lovely Wife is in her Gucci shades, eating Gelato. Brian is sunburned, on his feet, cheering at the pack of leathered racers approaching at one-hundred eighty miles per hour.

ANNOUNCER
(excited)
..and it's VALENTINO ROSSI in the lead!

VALENTINO ROSSI waves to Brian and his Lovely Wife as he speeds by.

BRIAN
(ecstatic)
YEAHHHH!!!

THE END