NEXT FLOOR: DOUBT

INT. ELEVATOR - DAY

Crowded, elbow to elbow. "Packed like sardines" becomes a term you can empathize with. A short REDHEADED FEMALE, in a doorman's cap and jacket, pokes a button on the panel -- it lights up.

The slight g-force jerks the box upwards, suddenly the thought of the floor dropping out becomes a welcome idea -- at least you'd be out of this hell-hole of breathy passengers, who are probably transmitting the flu to you at this very moment.

Kill me or set me free -- just get it f'n over!

Our capped guide turns her head -- it's KATHY GRIFFIN. We feel the urge to call her Kathy Griffith, just to watch her flip-out.

KATHY GRIFFIN
Next floor: "Doubt."

WTF? "Doubt" is a floor, you're thinking? Can't wait to see this.
Gravity halts us, the doors WHIRR open, robotically.

We see several SCRIBES of all genders and colors -- a BLACK MAN does a good Eddy Murphy imitation while pitching to a fat, condescending PRODUCER.

BLACK MAN
How was that one?

PRODUCER
Hmm, no, show me something else, something good -- flesh it out, like Eddy Murphy is doing Madea, but she's sexy, not fat, but kind of sounds like Whitney Houston.

BLACK MAN
What the f--

They're interrupted by a writer dressed like William Shakespeare -- no, that's actually WILLIAM F'N SHAKESPEARE!! He goes up to the producer, gets in his face, pretty aggressive for a guy who's so well-respected.

SHAKESPEARE
You, my friend, whilst in the process of judging others, in all thine--

Thank god he's interrupted, because even though you're supposed to love his work, fact is, you just can't stand all that "whilst" and "thine" crap, fess up.

Oh, almost forgot to mention that he's been interrupted by KIM, of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, who is being chased by Ne Ne, both on hooker-heels and doused in that glitter-crap, that only a hooker or cougar would have on.

KIM
(off key)
Tardy-for-the party, oh, uh-uh, ohhh, don't be...

NE NE
C'mere, Ki-yam, I'ma throw you some shade -- and a left hook, ya biy-otch.

Nobody dares step off the elevator's abyss.

KATHY GRIFFIN
Anyone want off? Nobody?? Hey folks, I've been there, it's not that bad, Lindsay Lohan f'n LIVES here -- shop around, check it out!

BRIAN
Umm, what other floors are there?

KATHY GRIFFIN
Lemme see, this is "Doubt", other choices would be "Sacrifice", top floor is "Arrogance", down in the basement we have "Self-Loathing" -- did you know that Courtney Love hangs down there quite a bit?

BRIAN
Got anything good, like "Success"?

KATHY GRIFFIN
Ha!! You're in the wrong place, buddy -- Trump Tower is miles from here, and I wouldn't head down there unless you've got a producer!

BRIAN
(sighs)
Any leads?

KATHY GRIFFIN
I hear Mark Burnett is up on the "Arrogance" floor today.

BRIAN
Seems I have no choice.

Kathy presses the "Arrogance" button, the doors start to close. Brian sticks his hand out, halting the gates.

BRIAN
Shakespeare, get in here, I'll be needing your services!

FADE OUT