TO THE DOGS

EXT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

Caesar the Dog paces the porch, ready for another mass dogwalk. Brian types away on the Dell, wearing flanneled jammies in a plaid print. The yard is freshly mowed and soaked, compliments of a southeastern storm.

BRIAN
Not today, Caesar, sorry.

BRIAN (V.O.)
Lot of flooding in the southeast this week. I heard they are thinking about renaming "Atlanta" to "Atlantis".
(beat)
Yesterday we took Caesar to the big city on a charity dogwalk for cancer. One of the sponsors said there were approximately four-hundred registrations, so it was a pretty nice turnout, good for them. Here are some of the excerpts:

EXT. EVENT PARKING LOT - DAY

Brian, Lovely Wife, and Caesar pull into the lot in their van. Dogs of all shapes and sizes frolic at the end of their leashes, on the way to the registration booth. Caesar comes out of the sliding door, pretty fired up, Brian on the end of the tether, holding him back with all might.

BRIAN
Caesar, settle down, you're going to need to settle down!

CAESAR (V.O.)
Damn I gotta pee!

LOVELY WIFE
(to Brian)
Think he needs to pee?

BRIAN
No, he's just whacking out with all these dogs around.

CAESAR (V.O.)
I'm gonna 'splode if I don't pee!!

LOVELY WIFE
Why don't we just take him to the grass?

BRIAN
Okay, but I doubt..

MOMENTS LATER:

Caesar is peeing non-stop in the grass.

CUT TO:

EXT. EVENT PARKING LOT - DAY

Lovely Wife is at the registration booth, signing up. Brian stands with Caesar as a myriad of dog shapes, colors, and sizes pass by.

BRIAN
Sit, buddy.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Dad, you're embarrassing me. Let me sniff some of these dogs. Man, I never get out.

A SHITZU walks by, Caesar eyes her up, moving forward.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Hey baby, come here often?

Brian pulls back on his leash.

BRIAN
Caesar, get back.

The Shitzu passes with her owner, snubbing Caesar.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Man, you're cock-blocking me!

MOMENTS LATER:

EXT. WALK TRAIL - DAY

All the dogs march with their owners in a one-mile event. The mass of participants are coming down the hill as Brian, Lovely Wife, and Caesar come out of the turnaround mark, heading uphill.

Three sleek greyhounds pass by.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Hey ladies, how we doing this morning, wanna meet for a smell at the finish?

They ignore him. A proud doberman marches behind.

DOBERMAN (V.O.)
(to Caesar)
Don't even think of it, man, I'm on that.

CAESAR (V.O.)
(to himself)
Dammit!

The group scurry to the:

EXT. EVENT PARKING LOT - DAY

A competition is taking place: biggest dog, smallest dog, best trick. Our trio stands in the audience among other pack leaders. A female terrier and beagle MIX, about Caesar's height, takes position nearby. Caesar is cleaning his front paw, having given up on any chance at hooking up.

MIX (V.O.)
(dainty voice)
Hello!

CAESAR (V.O.)
Huh?

MIX (V.O.)
Hey red.

CAESAR (V.O.)
You talking to me, or the retriever?

MIX (V.O.)
You come here often?

Caesar approaches her slowly, they smile, smelling noses.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Maybe once a month, cutie, we live in the sticks..mmmh, you smell good.

MIX (V.O.)
Thanks, I've got on hair conditioner.

CAESAR (V.O.)
This is heaven, want to?

MIX (V.O.)
I can't wait.

They're smelling each other, yes, that way, as dogs do. Brian pretends not to notice, as does the other owner.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Oh baby!

MOMENTS LATER:

Brian tugs Caesar along on the leash, they leave.

CAESAR (V.O.)
(to Mix)
Next year?

MIX (V.O.)
Sure thing, call me!

CUT TO:

INT. PETS MART - DAY

Brian and Lovely Wife wait in the checkout line behind a LADY with a POODLE who eyes up Caesar.

CAESAR (V.O.)
Hey baby, wanna..?

BRIAN
(to Caesar)
Sit, enough now, sit.

CAESAR (V.O.)
(to Brian)
Just don't get it, do ya dad?

FADE OUT

It was a nice day, we saw an amazing variety of dogs. Canines are a big responsibility, it takes a lot of effort to be a "good parent", but it's worth it. Even if you can't take on having a pet of your own, please consider going to a local shelter to play with a dog for a bit, you'll make their day.

Please check out THIS LINK if you want to find a local location which serves "man's best friend".