THE NAME GAME

INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

Caesar the dog surveys the freshly mowed crabgrass. What a powerful name, Caesar.

BRIAN (V.O.)
What's in a name? Not much is always my answer, meaning that unless there's a lot of content and character behind that name, it's not worth anything, no matter how "cool" it sounds.

Most people starting a small business, for their first time, get totally obsessed with the process of naming it. The government helps them in this matter, supplying citizens with the right to file a "Ficticious Business Name Statement". And that's what it is, ficticious, meaning "fake" - what Uncle Sam is trying to say is that no matter how long you spend figuring out this new name, how much time you waste, it's going to be registered on a government document with a header stating it's "fake".

Take it at fake.. er, I mean, face value. Buyer beware. Caveat emptor, that's what half of your customers will be thinking, knowing there's not much in a name. The other half will be saying, "wow, that's a cool name", so do spend a little more time than what it takes to brand it "ABC Plumbing" or what.

I've helped thousands of students start their own small business in the decorative arts, and I'm continually amazed at their name-game addiction. Usually the ones that need the most training, we're talking "day one" rookie status here, a sharp hue of green, those are the ones that arrive with a few pages full of names they have invented. Goes something like this:

INT. CLASSROOM - MORNING

Brian stands at the door greeting each student as they arrive for the first day of "art and business" class. A student, an obviously experienced painter, with splashed whites, saunters in.

BRIAN
(cheery)
Good morning, you must be..

PAINTER
(polite)
Mike.. say, we're covering pricing in this, right?

BRIAN
Of course!

Just then a student with perfect nails, heels, and a triple-dyed coiffure clicks up to the doorway.

BRIAN
(still cheery)
Hello, I'm Bri..

She thrusts a stack of papers in his face.

STUDENT
(bold)
Here, pick a name for my business.

BRIAN
(stunned)
Wha..

STUDENT
(still as bold)
I've been working on it for three months, pick a name!

BRIAN
Well, er uh, that's something we cover in the last five minutes of class, on the last day.

STUDENT
Good, then you'll have time to think about which one of these I should use.

BRIAN
SIGH...

BRIAN (V.O.)
One of the most memorable names was from a petite girl, maybe five feet high, an outgoing little bug who had good art skills and a sharp business sense. She named her small entity "PANGEA". Yep, that big, single mass of earth from a bazillion years ago, before it slowly shifted into the six continents we all know today. Tiny, let's call her "Sue", her business would be dubbed "PANGEA", comparable in size and sound to maybe, let's say, the moon, a supernova, black hole.. something like that.

Powerful name alright, but not very representative of a delicate person who comes and paints a mural on your wall.

Size matters, in names at least: use the name of a state or city in the business name and it will appear larger. "Johnson's Decorative Painting" sounds like a family business, maybe the dad runs it, the 2nd generation sons scrambling up and down ladders. It's good, not too big, nor small.

"Pennsylvania Decorative Painting", now that sounds like they must have one-hundred artists, scattered about the state in teams, decorating churches and massive commercial buildings. Not the kind of image that one, single, overly tasked, "new to the business" individual should want to promote.

In film, say a production company, you might want to seem big, even if you write, direct, act, edit, and dub the whole thing on your aged, one-gig laptop. Names like Paramount, Universal, Dreamworks.. I'm sure there is a Pangea in there somewhere; such names evoke power, a massive entity, who wouldn't want to get their film produced under those banners?

But the bottom line is to know what you're doing, be technically proficient, have character, be punctual, stop using the "f-word" so much, if that's your habit. Be a professional in whatever you do, always.

Then think of a name for your business, your brand, the moniker, pen name, whatever best represents the whole package.

I once got a call from an interior designer, "Zillary Twill"..

FADE OUT
TUNE IN FOR PART TWO, TOMORROW!