ITALIAN RUSH HOUR, PT. I

INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

The dawn sky is a shade of smoky white fading into a pale blue, the sun still below the deck. Venus twinkles as the lone planet, staring at us from the gradient. We hear the far off ACCELERATION of cars on Highway 72. It's the morning rush hour.

BRIAN (V.O.)
Now that's something I don't miss: rush hour.
Well kind of.
(beat)
Come to think of it, I fared pretty well during rush hour in the big city. I knew all of the backstreets, a trip during peak hours usually involved lots of turns and starts and stops through neighborhoods. It's like one of those european rallies where the navigator is reading a map, pointing to the driver in situations where we shouldn't be making last minute decisions. Then the vehicle rolls and falls to pieces, thank god I was spared that part!

During a near decade stay in Europe I learned how to drive. Oh, I already had years behind the wheel upon arrival, but there I REALLY learned how to DRIVE. It's tactical, defensive, but just as offensive, because if you pass up your turn nobody is giving you a handout.

EXT. EUROPEAN VACATION TURNABOUT - DAY

CHEVY CHASE circles in the car with the family in London, he can't get out of the turnabaout.

CHEVY CHASE
(enthusiastic)
Hey kids, Big Ben,, Parliament..

SLOW DISSOLVE TO:

CHEVY CHASE
(enthusiastic)
Hey kids, Big Ben,, Parliament..

CUT TO:

INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

Brian dreams about a trip to London with his lovely wife.

BRIAN (V.O.)
As I was saying, no handouts on the roads of Europe. They may be running a quasi-socialized state, with lifetime welfare and free universities, but turning on that ignition is a free ticket to "Thunderdome" where "two men enter, one man leaves".

Such was a summer day in Naples, Italy, 2005, when I had decided there was no possible way we were going to navigate the taxis and trains to view the ruins of Pompeii in a timely manner.

CUT TO:

INT. NAPLES HOTEL ROOM - SUNSET

We see a luxurious room with balcony doors open, overlooking the bay of Santa Lucia. As we walk out onto the perch, to the left is the towering Mount Vesuvius. Brian paces, map in hand, making a survey.

LOVELY WIFE
What's wrong, Hon?

BRIAN
(pacing)
Sighh,, I've come to the conclusion that we're not going to make that trek without a car.

LOVELY WIFE
(stunned)
Really? You would drive here?

BRIAN
I did in Germany, which is just as "bad", I think.

LOVELY WIFE
Two men enter?

BRIAN
And one man leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR RENTAL OFFICE - MORNING

Brian and his lovely wife enter the office, a spectacled italian AGENT behind the counter.

AGENT
Prego!

In unison they answer, "Prego", which means how can I help you? They chuckle at their mistake.

BRIAN
We'd like to rent a car.

The Agent points to a sporty and shiny new gray Citroen, parked outside.

AGENT
Will this do?

BRIAN
You bet!

AGENT
Stick?

BRIAN
Only!

CUT TO:

INT. CITROEN RENTAL - MORNING

Brian navigates the Napolitan streets, mellow on an early Saturday morning.

TUNE IN TOMORROW!