LOW BLOW, BRAVO

Oh my, reality TV, what have you done?

This, I asked myself, last night, while watching the "RACHEL ZOE PROJECT" with my Lovely Wife, on the DVR of course. Where do I start?

SYNOPSIS
Rachel gets a call from self professed gattabout ASHTON KUTCHER, who would like her to appear in a webisode of his online animated show, "Blah Girls" (no, we're not linking that crap). She is charged with styling his animated characters for a prom. Later, riddled with exhaustion or an undisclosed disease, Rachel seems to be dying, or that's what Brad says at least, we can't tell if he's joking or that's his personal wish. We end up at "To be continued", as if it were a plot worth continuing.

Where do we start with this? Okay, Ashton's "Blah Girls".

INT. LAPTOP SCREEN - DAY

We see the not-un-Southpark-like "Blah Girls" animation, with their big heads and tiny bodies. They sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks. Two of the girls debate something, not memorable.

GIRL #1
I can't believe she'd do that..

GIRL #2
..if she didn't, I would have a ..

CUT TO:

Our POV is that of an animated character giving birth. We see our legs propped up, two hands reach down and pull out, a cow.

COW
Moo!

FADE OUT

She would have a cow, genius.. not.

In the next clip, a character responds to her mother, whose voice is represented by trumpet sounds, by saying "it's not my fault that you're getting vaginal rejuvination". Wow, who writes this stuff, an adolescent kid sneaking onto his father's script editing program at night? Oh, no, Ashton does.. sorry dude. You should call it "Dude, Where's My Writer?" instead.

Rachel comes and meets in a hallway with Ashton, his web developer, and sort of producer guy who wears irritating white and black checkered glasses. Ashton and his team look "put on the spot" as in "almost embarrassed" to be in this episode, and they should be.. and they should be doubly embarrassed over this childish animation they produce.

At work, all around a table, Ashton, of all people, is the one who has to pull Rachel into being serious, which is an uncomfortable moment for us all.

Finally, Rachel complains how she sucks at this, but does a perfect job when it comes down to it. She watches it on the laptop with Brad and Taylor, laughing. They use real video on Rachel, but animate her mouth in puppet fashion in the first shot; it's almost a slam which she manages to overlook (or they edit out her rant). Not real nice of you, Ashton.

Ashton and Demi call while the team is watching the animation. Rachel asks "are you two in Atlanta?". Huh? How would she know if they were, and why would it matter? Then, "have you seen Ne-Ne?". We hear Demi shouting out that she has watched every episode, not of Rachel Zoe, but of "Real Housewives of Atlanta".

So, let me lay this out: BRAVO TV, which airs both Rachel and the Atlanta Housewives show, agreed to air segments of Ashton's animation, in exchange for him allowing Rachel to be in one of his "webisodes", as well as a plug from Ashton and Demi for the housewives. Rachel also agreed to plug the housewives show in the phone convo.

Three questions:
1.Does Ashton have to kiss up to Bravo?
2.Will Rachel let them do this to her brand?
3.Does Bravo think we're stupid?

No, yes, and yes.

In the final half of the show, Rachel rolls around on a couch, swearing she is dying, refusing to see a doctor, blah, blah, blah.. that's dire straits for production, faking an illness. Oh, and there was a model shoot in between.

A bit of advice:
Ashton: go pull your GOOD contacts, or your wife's.
Rachel: focus on your brand and fashion, and eat something.
Bravo: quit plugging your other reality shows within your own reality shows, that are filled with commercials in between of your reality shows, or just make it one big show called:
The Real Housewives of Atlanta are Flipping Out on The Rachel Zoe Project

GEESH!!