ITALIAN RUSH HOUR, PT. IV

EXT. POMPEII VILLAGE STREETS - AFTERNOON

Discovered by at least ten oncoming Guards, our couple seems doomed. They wait in line at a raised fountain. An american FAT LADY in line protests that she deserves water first.

BRIAN
(strategic)
I'll deal with the guards, meet me at the House of Mysteries.

LOVELY WIFE
(points to map)
Here??

The House of Mysteries is set away from the village, past a long inclined road which served as a cemetary, the famed Necropolis.

BRIAN
Yep, slip up this lane on my cue, it's less than a mile.
NOW!

Brian shoves FAT LADY full into the cold trough below the fountain, causing a hurrendous SPLASH. Amy runs off.

BRIAN
(dastardly)
Bottom's up!!

FAT LADY
(screaming)
Ahhhhh!!

GUARD LEADER
(loudly)
GET HIM!!

Brian leaps to the fountain head, sticks his finger over the bronze spout, SPRAYS the surrounding Guards in their eyes.

Temporarily blinded, the guards are in disarray. Brian jumps from the raised fountain and dashes through them, blazing up the Via del Vesuvio.

Guards distant yet in pursuit, Brian spots a group of tourists a few blocks away, entering the:

INT. HOUSE OF VETTII - DAY

Brian inserts himself amidst the tourists.

TOUR GUIDE
(to group)
..probably best known for its frescoes depicting the massive size of their penises..

BRIAN
(shakes head)
Great timing, geesh.

FEMALE TOURIST #1
(in awe)
Ohhhhhhh!!

We hear the FOOTSTEPS of guards, running.

GUARDS (O.S.)
In there!!

Brian cuts away from the tourists, dashes through the atrium, disappearing into a maze of rooms.

TOUR GUIDE
(noticed Brian)
..of which some men, apparently, have some sort of fear of..

TOURISTS
(laughing)
Haha!

Brian makes his way, from dark room to room, a wrong turn and his face is to a frescoed wall.. on which a giant penis is painted.

BRIAN
(frightened)
Achhh!!

He spots sunlight streaming in from a hall: an exit! The oncoming Guards are hot on his trail. Brian sprints out, heading for the Necropolis.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. POMPEII NECROPOLIS - DAY

We see Brian crouched down, hiding behind the columns of a tomb.

BRIAN
(to himself)
Anytime now.

The few Guards who could keep up run down the cobblestoned incline of the street.

GUARD #1
(in italian)
You still owe me a Gelato from last week!

GUARD #2
(in italian)
If you'd print more bills I'd have more money!

BRIAN
(to himself)
Wha?? They're in on the counterfeit scam?

TO BE CONTINUED...