ACOUSTICAL SCRIPT

INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

It's an unseasonably cool South Carolina September morning, the earth soaked from last night's storm. Caesar the dog SNIFFS into the breeze, as if the moisture has unleashed a whole new plethora of scents. STEVIE NICKS coos through the Sirus "Acoustic Cafe" channel, her own version of "Crash Into Me" blowing away Dave Mathews.

BRIAN (V.O.)
(D.J.'s voice)
Hey ya'll, the B-man coming to you live from the screened-in porch of the acoustic cafe'.
(beat)
(back to normal voice)
I've discovered a new writing tool, namely this music channel. I'm sure you have a version on your own satellite or cable. Just surf down into the quadruple digits until you hear an outrageous version of a song, that is normally not done acoustically, being done acoustic, by the original artist at that.

Hear that?

ACOUSTIC MUSIC BEGINS OVER:

EXT. PARK CONCERT - DAY

We see CHRISSIE HYNDE and her band, cheery acoustic chords lead us into an unfamiliar tune. Sounds like a version of "Only Wanna Be With You". Where's Hootie?

CHRISSIE HYNDE
(soothing)
Got brass, in pocket..

HARDCORE FAN
(pissed)
What the f..

NEWBIE FAN
(excited)
Don'tcha just love that? So airy, so sweet..

CHRISSIE HYNDE
Gonna use my arms, gonna use my legs..

CUT TO:

INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

BRIAN (V.O.)
Some of these remakes are cool, many are "interesting", but most are downright sad. And that's my discovery of this thing as a screenwriting tool: instant sadness!

You know that scene you've been working on, the one you hate working on, but have to? Where he says goodbye to her, or someone flatlines, or a president gives a moving educational speech that should bring everyone to tears?

Yes, THAT scene.

Well, screenwriting friend, I've got a remedy for you: turn up the acoustic cafe', get that vision of the protaganist with teary eyes, and you'll be flowing, literally. Yes, words will flow, and you'll be bawling your eyes out!

It doesn't matter which singer is crooning their unwanted version of acoustic crap, the one that the record company made them do since the material "was there", so "why not do it acoustic?", it all works as a tool.

Arlen Roth (who is that?), doing acoustic instrumental of Clapton's "Layla"? We'll take it! Freedy Johnston doing "Bad Reputation", the sad nineties radio hit? Well, it's even sadder in our acoustic cafe': "suddenly I'm on the street, seven years disappear below my feet.. do you want me now, do you want me now?". That's your protaganist talking, folks, get into it.. or him, or her.

You'll stay tuned in just to see what's next: is Metallica going to do a soft, heart-moving rendition of "Enter Sandman"? How many acoustic versions, and octaves, can be done of "Roxanne" by the Police (too many)? What is the saddest, most melancholy chord ever developed (it's A Minor, believe me, used often in this realm)?

Take my word for it, this is easily going to add the ten or so missing pages to your script..

..and rekindle your interest in "867-5309", performed acoustically, of course.