MAYBERRY?

INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

The church bell CLANGS through the damp morning air, ringing eight times. A man with two tethered Jack Russels strolls by, a small child perched on his shoulders. She waves. Brian waves back. Caesar the dog BARKS.

BRIAN (V.O.)
Sound like a scene from Mayberry?
(beat)
However nice that may seem, it's pretty hard for someone with true urban roots to settle in a small, somewhat rural, town. Sure, it seems quite attractive: getting away from it all: the traffic, chatter, pesky neighbors, crowded shopping districts. The difference is that an urban space like that is ALIVE, there's always something going on. And, it's usually progressive versus the attitude of "it's always been that way here".

EXT. MAYBERRY-LIKE CITY - DAY

We see Brian in his overgrown yard, near a tree at a small valley. His loppers clip through thick vines like a knife slices octopus tendrils. A man walks up from the adjacent property.

HICK
(inquiringly)
Hey, where ya from?

BRIAN
Mayberry.

HICK
(sort of irritated)
No, I mean originally?

BRIAN
(raises brow)
We transferred from St. Louis.

HICK
Oh, lots of blues music there, eh?

BRIAN (V.O.)
So here we go again, instead of someone ASKING me something here, they're going to LEARN me something, namely about where I just came from?

BRIAN
No, not really, there are all kinds of bands, mostly cover bands.

BRIAN (V.O.)
Should I mention Chuck Berry, Tina Turner, Miles Davis, David Sanborn, Mama's Pride, The Urge, Gravity Kills, Nelly...none of which are BLUES oriented??

HICK
(disappointed)
Oh. Cuttin' vines?

BRIAN
Yep.

HICK
Yeah, those vines kill trees, english ivy and kudzu..

BRIAN
(sighs)
There's all kinds of myths about vines down here..

HICK
(learning me again)
Now see the kudzu vine, they paid people to plant..

BRIAN (V.O.)
I've heard this story a thousand freaking times, it's like the ONLY story they know around here.

HICK (contd.)
..it during the depression, and..

Brian walks away, shaking his head.

HICK (contd.)
(volume increasing)
..but they didn't know that it came from China, and..

INT. SCREENED PORCH - DAY

Brian walks in and sits on the wicker chair, overlooking the lawn, drinking a Coke.

HICK(O.S.)
..that it was invasive, so by the time..

MONTAGE:
a) We see Brian creating a new website.
b) He paints a canvas portrait of himself, holding a mirror
c) Brian is reading a book on juggling.
d) Three balls rotate in the air as Brian juggles.

HICK(O.S.)
..and that's how we got kuzu growin' all over here, 'cuz the gov'ment..

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING
Brian is finishing his blog post, TAPPING away at the keyboard.

BRIAN (V.O.)
Sound peaceful? Looking at real estate online, I saw someone had posted that Venice Beach was kind of like Mayberry. Yes, THAT Venice Beach! I bet there is a surfer there right now, waxing his board, just waiting for me to walk up so he can LEARN me something about waves and their origins.
(beat)
Probably not!

FADE OUT