DOPPEL-SCRIPTER

EXT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

Brian sits with his FEET PROPPED on the COFFEE TABLE.
Caesar the dog RUNS back and forth, ANTICIPATING the coming game of HALF FETCH.

BRIAN (V.O.)
Wait a minute, buddy, have to make this blog entry first.
(beat)
My concept for the script has come to a fork in the road. I could go either way and still maintain passion for the story. Both directions would be equally good, I could flip a coin and still figure I have the same chances of selling this screenplay.
(beat)
This wasn't the original plan, to have two options. Now that I'm there I want to make the "right" choice.

INT. BLOG READER#1 OFFICE - DAY

Blog Reader #1 seems DELIGHTED that Brian is TEETERING between TWO CONCEPTS.

BLOG READER #1
(laughing)
See, kid, that's where you're missing the knowledge! If you had laid this all out on notecards you wouldn't be at this fork!

BRIAN (O.S.)
I laid it out on my computer.

BLOG READER #1
Haha, REAL SCREENWRITERS pitch a concept on notecards!

BRIAN (O.S.)
(calmly)
I'm not in the "pitch" phase yet.

BLOG READER #1
And you never will be, without NOTECARDS!

BRIAN (O.S.)
I'm being "green", why waste the paper?

BLOG READER #1
You're GREEN alright kid, and you'll never see a GREEN LIGHT!

EXT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

BRIAN (V.O.)
Back to my fork in the road, green lights flickering at both ends, in my opinion.
(beat)
This happened because, as I continued to write, I got to know the characters better. It started out as a sort of, forgive my lack of any vernacular, a "comedy-drama". It evolved into more of a "drama-comedy" because of the depth my characters gained.
(beat)
The "com-dram" deal is pretty funny, and not cliche' at all. The characters are fairly shallow, except for the lead. This keeps it moving, you side with the main character who has to deal with a lot of dimwits.
(beat)
The "dram-com" is funny, yet deep. I can almost guarantee that anyone with a sympathetic bone in their body, upon reading this script, will cry at least twice. In a good way, but there will be tears, excluding those of a certain BLOG READER, that is.
(beat)
Because of the impending showers, I would have to cut these scenes if I will go the "com-dram" route, in order to avoid the "sitcom gone sad" syndrome that I so dearly despise.
(beat)
And, there's a possibility that the producers will turn it into a "sitcom gone sad" anyway, imagine.

INT. PRODUCTION CO. MEETING - DAY

With Brian's "com-dram" SPEC SCRIPT secured, the EXECUTIVES decide to TINKER with it.

EXECUTIVE #1
This is good stuff, Brian, I laughed my ass off reading it.

BRIAN
Thanks!

PRODUCER
(skeptical)
Good alright, but lacking a certain something.

EXECUTIVE #1
(looks at PRODUCER)
You mean the part where it goes "sad", right?

PRODUCER
Right!! Brian, we need you to flesh out the character, give us some scenes that will make a grown man cry.

BRIAN
Well, er, ugh, I do have a complete rewrite on hand that already incorporates things like that, but I thought it was a bit sappy.

EXECUTIVE #1
WHAT??

BRIAN
Umm, did I say something wrong?

PRODUCER
You have TWO scripts, different versions, SAME STORY?

BRIAN
Mm, yes, I didn't mean anything by...

EXECUTIVE #1
Lemme see it.

The executive quickly pages through the SECOND SCRIPT.

EXECUTIVE #1
(looking at Producer)
You know what we've got here?

BRIAN
(a lawsuit??)

PRODUCER
Yep. TWO FILMS!!!

EXECUTIVE #1
Bullard, congratulations, I think you've just sold your second script!!

BRIAN
(mystified)
But sir, it's generally the same story.

EXECUTIVE #1
Not after we change the character names on one of them!!

BRIAN
You can do that?

PRODUCER
This is HOLLYWOOD, kid, we can do ANYTHING!

FADE OUT