MAN OVERBOARD!

INT. SCREENED PORCH - LATE MORNING

Brian is on a roll, TAPPING away at the dated LAPTOP.

MAUS the female CAT, otherwise known as MOOPY, rests near Brian's leg, in the SHADE of the CHAIR.

BRIAN
(sweetly)
Good-girl. You're a good girl, Moopy. Daddy loves the Moopy.

A LADY walks by at a BRISK PACE, SWINGING her ARMS.
She is EXCERCISING.
Brian WAVES, she RETURNS it.

WALKING LADY #1
(friendly)
I love what you've done with the yard!

Brian
(appreciative)
Thanks, got a ways to go though!

WALKING LADY #1
(unintelligible)

BRIAN (V.O.)
Wonder if she was being cynical? Hehe.
(beat)
By now you're probably wondering how I get the opportunity to write so much. If you're a professional screenwriter, you can already count the ways. If you're that novice with a full-time job, five kids, and over an acre of crabgrass, you're wondering alright.

Brian's EYES DART to the CRABGRASS, and QUICKLY back DOWN into the KEYBOARD.

BRIAN (V.O.)
For me, this venture is a lot like holding one's breath. You decide on the level of pain, how long to stay under. You might want to count to yourself under there, or think of a moment in time, like a sexual experience, that might be a good distraction. But in the end it is a matter of discipline, how long you choose to deprive yourself of oxygen.

EXT. SUBSURFACE OCEAN - DAY

We see Brian UNDERWATER, eyes and mouth CLOSED TIGHTLY, small BUBBLES come from his PALE LIPS.

He LOOKS UP at the DIVIDE between WATER and AIR, SHAKING his HEAD DEFIANTLY.

He's NOT coming UP, not YET at LEAST.

BRIAN (V.O.)
That divide between water and air might be some impending bills, a loved one, a full-time job, a meal.

INT. BLOG READER #1 OFFICE - DAY

BLOG READER #1
(disdain)
WHAT? This kid is a NOVICE "screenwriter" and thinks he knows it all. I'VE been there and back, I'M the one making a LIVING from this.

BRIAN (V.O.)
(bothered)
Ahemm. What some "professional screenwriters", that of the bitchy type, seem to fail to realize, is that they are not the only ones in life who have had to scratch and survive. People do it everyday, in a lot of different occupations and situations other than screenwriting.

BLOG READER #1
Haha! This guy was a PAINTER, that's a real struggle: get a bucket of paint and slap it on, real challenge!

BRIAN (V.O.)
For the record, I was and still am a decorative artist and instructor. I paint Trompe l'oeil - murals, faux finishes, whatever the discriminating, rich client wishes to see. I also teach people in the art and business of doing such. And I just happen to be writing a script, or a few of them, for all you know.
(beat)
And as a disciplined instructor, I am going to mention the fact that if a certain "blog reader" interrupts me again they will be hereby banished from the blog.

Blog Reader #1 shakes his head in DISBELIEF.

INT. SCREENED PORCH - DAY

BRIAN (V.O.)
The point I was making was that I can hold my breath for a long time in any business. I make time to. Oh sure, sometimes I have to stick my head up for a moment and catch another breath before submerging again. And, because of my responsibilities, mostly that of my family life, sometimes I have to get completely out of the water.
(beat)
BUT, if I don't get back in there soon, I might just lose the will or ability to get down there and hold my breath.
(beat)
Excuse me, tide's coming in, I can't miss this!

EXT. OCEAN - DAY

We see Brian RUNNING full out, FEARLESSLY into the CRASHING WAVES. He STUMBLES to one KNEE, THROWN by the incredible WEIGHT of the WATER. He GETS BACK UP.

BRIAN
(gasping)
DON'T STOP, YOU BASTARD!!

Brian keeps RUNNING, the WATER rising to his CHEST, he BENDS forward, SUBMERGING.
We see his PINK, size ten FEET, DISAPPEAR into the foamy WATERS.