THE GREEN CRABGRASS OF HOME

INT. SCREENED PORCH - MORNING

The HUMMING of the air conditioning unit is hypnotizing.
The sun, having just risen, is scorching.
The mosquito bite on Brian's wrist, still itching.
The crabgrass, still growing.

BRIAN (V.O.)
It's a once-weekly, ceremonious day here on the self-dubbed "Plantation".

MAUS
(silently)
Friday?

BRIAN (V.O.)
Yes, but more specifically, the "Cutting of the Crabgrass" day.

MAUS
(silently)
Oh.

CUT TO:

INT. GARAGE - DAY

We see a small tire, as we zoom out there is the faint outline of a riding lawn mower in the dark garage. We can barely make out the letters on the Sears Craftsman decal.

CUT TO:

INT. RACETRACK PIT ROW - DAY

We pan across several stalls, crews working furiously on NASCAR vehicles. A mechanic mounts a tire using an air gun. In the next stall a man cleans the windshield. At the last stall we see Brian working on his lawnmower, filling the right front tire using a can of "Fix a Flat".

BRIAN
C'mon, there has to be more in this can!

LOUDSPEAKER
(filtered)
Five minutes, racers, five minutes and counting.

BRIAN
Shit!

Brian pulls the hose off the tire nipple, throwing the can in the corner. He dons his professional full-faced helmet and leather racing gloves. On the back of his white leathers, the sponsor reads "SEARS", as he climbs onto the seat.

BRIAN
CONTACT!!

He turns the key and the engine fires.

CUT TO:

EXT. GRANDSTAND - DAY

We see the cars emerging from their boxes in disarray, all taxiing to the track line. And then one small vehicle, Brian on the mower.

ANNOUNCER
(filtered)
..and a new racer today, rookie Brian Bullard, on the Sears Craftsman mower!

CROWD
BOO!!

CUT TO:

EXT PIT ROW - DAY
We are in Brian's seat as Jeff Gordon pulls in front of him sideways, blocking his path. Gordon looks out the window.

JEFF GORDON
Haa! Your blades sharpened up, lil' buddy?

Our glove rises in a one finger salute.
Gordon burns out, leaving a cloud of smoke.

BRIAN
(coughing)
-!

DISSOLVE TO:

MONTAGE:

A) Brian is at the starting line, racers revving.
B) We see Brian riding in a turn at five miles per hour, racers passing at one hundred fifty miles per hour on the outside.
C) The grandstand crowd is mocking Brian as he passes slowly.
D) We see him pulling into the pits with a flat right front tire.
E) Brian is sitting, moping in the box. A monitor shows the cars crossing the line with the checkered flag, Jeff Gordon winning.

CUT TO:

INT. PIT BOX - DAY

Brian sits on the mower, silently, helmet in his lap, red locks drenched.
Jeff Gordon appears, standing behind him.

JEFF GORDON
Brian?

BRIAN
(defeated)
Yeah?

JEFF GORDON
Better luck next time!

BRIAN
Yep.

JEFF GORDON
We still on for tomorrow?

BRIAN
If you're weed whacking.

JEFF GORDON
Can you cut it to three inches this time? Like to leave it longer in late summer.

BRIAN
No prob.

JEFF GORDON
Thanks man!

BRIAN
See ya, Jeff.

FADE OUT